WAYS TO BOOST SELF-ESTEEM AFTER A BREAK UP

No matter who initiated the break, the end of a relationship is hard on one's ego. While going through the grieving process, it's important to move on with your life. Jumping into another relationship to build your self-esteem is not really the answer to the post-break up blues and self-doubts. Try some of these other tips to help put the past behind you, and look towards your future, with more confidence and self-esteem.

Aesthetics: Whether you are a man or a woman, having a fresh start often means changing your look. You may have been in a long- term relationship and "let yourself go." Many times there is a sense of complacency in long-term relationships, and our personal style and fitness might suffer. Take an honest look at yourself and let's make some positive changes to boost your self-esteem.

• Hair and Make up: Changing and updating a hairstyle can be an important step in making you feel good about yourself after a break up. Both Men and Women can benefit from spending some time at a salon and updating their personal hairstyle. Put your trust in the stylist and allow them to suggest new looks for you. Be daring and take a leap. Changing your hair, and learning how to create fun new do's with it is a great way to start off your transformation.
Ladies, you might want to invite some friends along and make it a spa day. Relaxation and laughter with good friends is the best medicine for a broken heart and confused mind. Get a manicure or pedicure, have your make up done differently and follow it up with a night on the town. This is about the new you, emerging from your grief into your new confident self who knows she will survive.

• The Clothes Make the Man or Woman! Have you gotten comfortable in your sweatpants rut? Time to spend some dough on new threads! You don't have to spend a fortune to pick up just a few new items to make you feel fresh and renewed. Bring a friend along on a shopping day, and get yourself a new outfit for dates and casual nights with friends. Buy apparel that brings a smile to your face, bright colors and fun styles will help break you out of the blues and bring your wardrobe into the new social scene.

• Get in Shape: Whether you gained a few pounds or broke out of your previous healthy exercise routine, now is the time to reclaim the best that you can be by being fit and healthy. Join a gym, or even just set up an evening to walk with a neighbor, any kind of routine exercise will not only make you look good, but will allow your body to help make you feel better as well. Regular exercise is great for lifting depression, and seeing increases in your fitness level may encourage you to try out new sports like tennis, or even rock climbing! Decide what interests you and get your body moving!

Mental Changes: Now that the work of aesthetic changes is done, you need to focus your thoughts on the positives around you. Getting through the emotions of the break up is hard work, but working towards the future can give you hope and a purpose for your day.

• Write it Out: You've cried, and talked to your friends endlessly about the loss of your relationship. You may be tempted to further clear the air by communicating with your Ex… but don't look back. Write out your feelings in a journal, for your eyes only. This will give you the chance to honestly divest yourself of the pent up fears and frustrations that you may be afraid to confide to friends. The act of pouring your thoughts onto paper will also help you to stop perseverating on "what- ifs" and "should-of's." Once you write it out, put those thoughts away and get on with the business of happier living.

• Set Goals: Having a hard time thinking of reasons to get out of bed in the morning? Don't convince yourself that you are worthless or uninteresting. It is simply not true. Setting concrete goals can help to remind you of the things you want to accomplish and your talents and skills. Get yourself a large dry erase board and hang it in your kitchen, hallway, or bedroom. Create three columns labeled "Goals", "Steps," and "Deadlines." Have you always wanted to travel to Italy? Find out what it would take to make that dream come true. Contact a travel agent and perhaps a friend who may like to go along. Figure out what it would take financially and logistically, and set you a reasonable goal of 6 months, or even 2 years! The deadline doesn't matter as long as you are reminded of your dream and are taking steps to make it happen. Maybe you would like to learn how to cook, dance, or even just spend more time with friends. Make these into goals and start pursuing your dreams. Taking classes or even socializing with friends can help rebuild ones self-esteem and provide you with much needed opportunities to meet new people, and get to know yourself!

The Best Revenge is to Live Well: No matter what you choose to do, choose to do something. Don't let the heartache of a lost relationship continue to affect you by making you believe you are undesirable or uninteresting. Get up and get out. Rebuild your self-esteem by following your own desires and interests and spend some much-deserved time on yourself. Whether you think you would most benefit from a massage or a gym membership, set your goals, and look toward your future as the self confident, and appealing person you are.

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INSTANT LOVE
How do we know when the single person we have begun to date is more than just another date on our ever-growing list of nameless faces and faceless names?
After all, surely we need some identifying features to root out the wheat from the chaff. Is this single person we have seen 6 of 7 times just good fun or do we really think they have the qualities to become relationship material?

To answer your own question you need to know who you are looking for and what characteristics are attractive to you and then try and stick to them. If you are dating the right kind of people for you and not just filling gaps in your diary then this may get you off to a good start.

Much of what determines your commitment to your date in the first few days and weeks is a combination of intuition, extra sensory perception (feelings) and what you care to see with your own eyes. If you are desperately lonely and want to meet someone then anyone will do and this article is irrelevant. If, however, you are more choosey which I suspect deep down you all are, then you will want to tray and detect and then reassure yourself that you haven't just made an awful mistake.

The first thing you should do after the first couple of dates is take a step back and be honest with yourself as to how you are truly feeling. Have you been swept off your feet? Are you relieved they are nice? Are you blown away by their good looks? Can you handle the first few peculiarities you have spotted in the? And although they are cute now, will they be in 40 years? Can you see yourself with them 10 years down the line? Can you picture them older? Do they make you feel alive because before you were bored? Or do they make you feel alive because they are dynamite?

Do you hang on their every word and wait for the next date with baited breath? Do you find yourself abandoning your old routine and new horizons opening up? Can you still eat or has your appetite gone? Have you been shopping to make yourself look fresh and hot? Do you find yourself getting in at 4am from a date and do you find yourself having any sleepless nights with your mind full of excited thoughts?

Do you find yourself anxious and panicking? Do you find yourself questioning the intensity of how you are feeling? Are you finding your feelings fully reciprocated? Is there a clear sense of communication between you? Do you actually have similar opinions and tastes or do you care? Do you want to spend all your time with them now or do you find that you are worried your current lifestyle is being compromised more than you would like? Are you doing the calling or are they and how does this make you feel?

In other words, start analyzing the situation as you see it and be bold. Be critical and look at where you are finding yourself being led. If you are happy and content with all the major questions then keep going because you may have just chosen well. If you find on the other hand that you have some small niggling doubts then don't push these thoughts away as they aren't going anywhere, they will just become amplified over time.

The main issue is one of whether you trust your new date and whether you believe what you are being told. It is amazing how many single girl I meet how say that strangely they haven't been allowed to see where he lives, or are not quite sure what he does for a living or how much he earns or where his parents live. This isn't an enigma factor single ladies, it is a sure sign that all is not quite right. There may be some perfectly valid reasons why things are concealed from you in the first few weeks so don't push things too far. You may not yet have earned the right to know everything about your new love. At the same time, you should feel that the possibility of finding everything important out is imminent. Evasive behavior is exactly that - untrustworthy and your alarm bells should ring.

Trusting your imagination is very important. If you can see yourself with that a single person in all kinds of situations then you may have chosen well. It is important to creatively imagine how you think you will be together in various scenarios, from being on vacation, to being married, to maybe having children to being older. In doing so you get a sense of how things might work out or might not. If you really can't see yourself with them long term then maybe better to cut your losses whilst you can.

Conversation is critical in establishing if things feel right. Sex does not disguise any problems eventually although sex is a good temporary fix. If your relationship is based on sex then it’s great whilst it lasts but I doubt that it will last. People say that opposites attract and that is true in that you bring different experiences and opinions to the relationship but the foundation of being a great couple is on a deeper, more critical level of respect and understanding. I find that couples with similar outlooks on life do well together because they have built a support system for each other which require little explanation. It is called a common understanding. This sometimes explains why couples from certain regions, places, or faiths have better success than the melting pot luck of a big city.

Ultimately if you compliment each other and you find that your new love brings to the relationship most of the essential qualities that you really do hold most dear then you are in a strong position for relationship success. If there are some basic flaws but you are having a good time then enjoy yourself but know that the person you are with is for now and not for the future.

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TALKING ABOUT COMMITMENT

No one can deny that romantic relationships are complex, but most of the time we (particularly men) try not to analyze and dissect them. Open communication sounds great on paper, but in practice we tend not to encourage too many serious discussions with our romantic partners. Dating is supposed to be about the dinners and the dancing and the lighthearted moments, not necessarily awkward conversations about commitments, goals and lifetime plans. But at some point in a promising relationship, both partners must delineate where they see their relationship heading and what they are willing to do in order to get it there.

Conversations about commitment should be taken seriously, but they don't have to be deadly serious. The trick is to have the conversation when it feels like a natural progression of the relationship. There is nothing worse than one partner assuming too many facts not in evidence. It's not uncommon for one partner to develop a stronger need for commitment than the other. If a conversation about commitment occurs too soon or with a partner who is not on the same wavelength, the results can be very painful. It pays to hold off on any commitment discussion until both partners have already demonstrated a sense of unspoken commitment.

It's not wrong for one partner to seek a more committed relationship than the other seems willing to pursue, but it IS wrong to seek a commitment through intimidation or sheer force of will. If the relationship itself remains strong and healthy, eventually both partners should come to a meeting of the minds regarding commitment. If no such meeting occurs, then perhaps the relationship does not have the proper foundation for future commitment. No amount of conversation can change this basic flaw in a casual relationship.

Once it becomes obvious that both partners are ready to take their relationship to a deeper level, the time for an actual conversation has come. Most professional counselors emphasize the concept of 'open communication', but they often leave out one important consideration - truly open communication is extremely difficult. In order to have a constructive conversation, try to be in a place where you both feel completely comfortable and protected. If you feel like being the initiator of the conversation about commitment, take a few deep breaths and collect your thoughts. This conversation is going to be awkward and scary and exhiliarating and all those other emotions connected with any serious talk with a potential life mate. You may feel like you're taking a tremendous risk, simply because you ARE taking a risk. This wonderful, funny, exciting casual dating partner could indeed turn around and walk straight out the door. You have every right to be nervous, but you also have the right to benefit from a committed, deeper relationship.

If everything seems to be going well with your conversation, allow it to ebb and flow without definitive answers. You want your partner to open up and share thoughts and plans he or she might feel are private. The best thing one can hope for is that the other partner has also been considering this conversation and is willing to listen with an open heart. Once you've defined where you'd like to see this relationship go- monogamous dating, engagement, marriage- then you've said all you can really say. It's up to your partner to receive and process this information before giving you a thoughtful response. This is a very delicate time in any relationship, because either the feelings are going to be reciprocated or the other party will pull away emotionally.
Once the subject of commitment has been broached, you should continue to work on the relationship even if your partner hasn't given you a response. Some couples fear that once a serious issue has arisen in their relationship, the overall partnership will no longer be fun or lighthearted.

You can ask your partner to join you in a committed relationship on Wednesday and still go see the ballgame on Saturday or watch a good movie on Sunday. Certainly a relationship may have some uncomfortable moments following a deep conversation, but it should still be fulfilling to both partners. Committed couples will often discover that their lives become a little more complicated as the relationship grows. Some people find it difficult to make decisions based on mutual needs, while others may have problems with fidelity in general. Having the conversation about commitment is only the first step towards a healthy monogamous lifestyle. Staying true to those promises requires constant vigilance and reinforcement. Demonstrate to your partner the benefits of always having someone in his or her corner. Showing your partner the payoff for a committed relationship should make his or her decision much easier.

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FIRST VACATION TIPS

Going on your first vacation together will be one of the most stressful things you ever do. It is akin to death, moving house and childbirth. Expectations are high, you are both having sudden doubts as to the validity of this decisions and once you get wherever you are going, there will only be the two of you to focus on. Very quickly it will turn into the perfect vacation, or the vacation from hell and it is down to both of you as to which way it can go. Being isolated together in a foreign situation polarizes thought and beliefs and behavior. It can illuminate the smallest worrying traits in you and your partner and it will put under the microscope every fine detail of your planning skills. Once you have checked into your villa or room you will soon find out what you both truly like doing and how you both behave as a couple.

You may be thinking that you are in for a fortnight of sex in the surf with fine wines and relaxation only to discover your partner gets travel sick, has an obsession with tanning, hates sightseeing and can't hold their drink. On the other hand your partner may be the perfect companion and love and romance blossoms stronger than ever.

Many are the relationships that have foundered on the rocks of a first vacation together so some planning is involved, some adjustment, tons of compromise and a fantastic sense of humor to get through it. If you both come out of it successfully you may end up being a couple for life. If you fail, then better now than after the church ceremony.

Lower your vacation stress levels with the following tips:

• Your first vacation together may be better as an extended weekend in another city and a fortnight in the sun
• Make sure that selecting the first vacation is a joint exercise that is shared and is fun
• Don't rush into having a first vacation together. Timing is essential as vacation time is limited
• Make sure your expectations are realistic in advance of the vacation. If you are expecting heaven in the surf, you could be opening yourself up to disappointment
• Ensure you have a high tolerance threshold and are open to many suggestions
• Be relaxed but prepared when making vacation arrangements
• Ensure the destination is one you are both more than comfortable with. A one-sided vacation plan will remain so
• Do NOT go on vacation too soon after meeting. You need to have become used to the person you are travelling with. This is essential if you are not to have a roving eye round the pool
• Do communicate in vast amounts before departing to ensure you are both on the same wavelength about what this vacation is all about
• Do retain your romantic outlook from the moment you depart to the moment you arrive back. Just because you are on vacation does not mean you switch off
• Do ensure you are personally well packed and prepared prior to the trip and do not rely on your partner making all the arrangements
• Ensure the room you have booked has a double bed and not twin beds
• Ensure you know something about your destination before setting up. Forearmed is forewarned. Surprising your partner is as necessary on vacation as at home.
• Ensure that you know about any doubts or worries you partner has prior to the vacation and ensure they are reassured throughout
• On vacation do show each other special attention throughout. The rest of the world doesn't matter whilst you relax together
• A vacation should NOT spring unpleasant surprises so make sure you partner knows any dark secrets well in advance. If you are allergic to sunlight , make sure that is known in advance
• If you can't swim or ski start learning now and assist your partner if you can
• Be careful about too much alcohol on vacation. It can lead to many arguments
• Flirting on holiday is a complete no go area. Don't even think about it
• Do join water sports or classes together. Teach your date to ski if you are better than them, and make things a partnership
• Do recognize that just because this is your first vacation together does not mean you live in each other's pockets 24 hours a day. Give each other some space when you sense it
• Communicate, communicate, communicate
• Select restaurants that are romantic and that are suited to both tastes. If necessary, compromise
• Lose every selfish bone in your body
• You are not joined at the hip so be prepared for some individual expression
• Jealousy and possessiveness will not help your vacation so be open-minded and humorous
• Be relaxed and entertaining and forget about home-life for a while
• Don't go clubbing when your partner is tired. Spend relaxing times together and be considerate
• Whatever happens you will display some hidden traits and so will they, take it all as part of the vacation experience. Things are not the same on vacation as at home
• Make sure that you do only the things you can both afford and don't put your partner at financial risk by provoking them to spend more than they can afford
• Pay for your first vacation separately out of your own funds if it feels right
• Remember why you are going on vacation together in the first place. To spend time with each other in an ideal location to have fun together
• Do not criticize how much your female partner has brought with her by way of clothes and shoes. I she needs 28 sun dresses and 15 pairs of shoes that is entirely fine
• Your first vacation together is not a honeymoon
• Finally, it is your responsibility as much as theirs to ensure you have so much fun it is the perfect holiday so never ever start blaming him/her for things out-with your control
• Do not use a vacation situation to get too intense. Lay back and enjoy the sun

ARE WOMEN SOLAR POWERED?

The sunshine and warm weather has arrived which heralds Spring/Summer here in the West and suddenly the local high street or shopping mall turns into a high-fashion catwalk for super-vixens. Throughout the dark months the only thing on view was tumbleweed or snow. For years now I have wondered whether women are in fact solar-powered. In the dark days of deepest winter as a man you will be hard-pressed to spot a super-babe unless you are living with one already. Streets are full of black-coated shadows with hats and scarves and you wonder where all the girls have gone.

Suddenly, the first warm day of the year arrives and you realize that your healthy fully-paid for beer belly is a shocking reminder of the last 6 months (lifetime ? Ed.) of indulgence and you need to sort yourself out. XXXL baggy T-shirts may see you through the next few months but with sudden appearance of that orange thing in the sky, your local public areas become a temple to female beauty. The question is, where do they all come from? For half the year, these goddesses are no where to be found. It is always possible they have been wintering in Antigua or Ibiza but for sure they don't work in your office or that of any other male buddy.

Quickly you come to the conclusion that either these girls are shipped in for the summer to drive you crazy, or that they must be a figment of your imagination. Its a perennial mystery. For a guy, getting ready for summer is a laborious task with the gradual coloring of the skin and a lazy shift to shorts and T-shirts. Women however appear to turn into sun-worshiping supermodels at the drop of a hat.

I remember working in one city where the first sunny day was always greeted by the male team in the office heading for the best area of the city for lunch just to watch the girls go by. For months we had been starved of anything to look at at all, and within hours of a good weather report we see perfect women appear in all-over tans, strappy tops, perfect hair and this years' designer shades. They exude confidence, look spectacular, there is no gym work to be done, and they could eat you for breakfast.

The answer is of course that these beauties simply must be powered by the sun. During the dark season they hibernate or lock themselves away simply to appear like butterflies when you are most off your guard. Whereas as you have braved the wind, rain and snow to watch every winter sporting contest on offer, becoming more pasty-skinned than snow covered peaks, these perfect specimens of woman kind have been plotting and planning.

You see whilst most men like to react to situations, women are far more thoughtful and prepared. They plan their wardrobes by the season and know what they will be wearing for the summer before you have even ordered the Thanksgiving turkey. Women are indeed proactive, hence your dilemma. These girls have been there all along, working hard in the gym through the long dark days, working on a pre-summer tan and caring about their appearance. If they haven't then they are still far more equipped for seasonal changes than men ever will be.

It is certainly true that women feel cold more than men. Guys, you know how when you are too hot because your ex-girlfriend used to attach herself whilst asleep to your body like a limpet so that whilst she snoozed, your combined body-temperature was the same as the surface of the sun? You remember allowing one leg to reach out from the sheets to act as a cooling aid for the rest of your quickly-melting body? Well exactly. Girls generally don't like cold weather so I am assuming they hibernate.

So when the sun finally does shine and the temperature rises, you feel you have been taken by surprise by the local mayor shipping in blonde models from Sweden. I must confess that I don't know where these great-looking girls come from and I certainly know that I have never worked in a winter office full of them. It is possible that every city has a huge office where all the top looking girls work all winter. But for now it remains a government secret. But I do accept that as men, we tend to keep our eyes closed for half the year. If you are lucky enough to live in warmer climes then I am sure you don't meet this scenario as often but certainly for European men, its a perennial mystery we cannot explain.

There is something amazing about dating in the warm sunshine. Everyone feels more sociable, possibly more attractive and certainly more healthy. We go outdoors more, we socialize more, we care about how we look more. With lighter nights we stay out later and travel more and because of all these things we meet more people and consequently encounter more attractive girls per square foot. So take advantage of the season.

Whilst the Fall is romantic and love in the snow is glorious, it is in the summertime that we flower best. Therefore guys perhaps this year or next, if you are dating you could anticipate summer just a little earlier than usual and think about how you are going to look when those warm nights finally arrive. Be proactive like the girls we ogle.Wouldn't it be good if a woman writer could write an article on why all the attractive guys always appear in the summer.

But for now I stick with my original point. I firmly do believe girls may be solar-powered. Just don't let them know the secret is out.

10 ROMANTIC MOVIES

Never has a subject been more emotive than when I ran a small survey to find out which were our favorite top 10 romantic movies of all time. First of all there is the problem of defining what constitutes 'romantic'. Then there is the era and age of the movie. Then there is the notion of what counts as a movie. In other words can a made-for-TV program count. Finally, after pulling my hair out with the stress of it all, I whittled the answers down to a final ten. You may not agree, you may send me your own lists and you may threaten me with violence but the point is, there is no definitive list. We all have our own top 10 romantic movies based on what we have viewed over the years. And that is it. Here are our the results of our top 10 romantic moves survey in no particular order.

Love Story (1970)

The music helps I have to say has an amazing impact once again on recent viewing but that's not the whole story by far. One of the best and most popular and enduring love stories on celluloid you can find. Ali McGraw and Ryan O'Neal star in a film that will have you reaching for the tissue box without doubt. Its funny how often romance is linked with sadness but I am not getting into that here. We have everything that a tearjerker can throw at you- rich boy, poor girl, opposing father, success, disaster, fatal illness etc. Superbly filmed and an emotional rollercoaster. Fabulous and a must-see, just watch it on your own though of you are prone to tears.

Titanic (1997)

Would you like someone to die for you, or want to die for someone? In tragedy we often find the barest soul of romance and so it is with this movie. The romance is not so much in the characters but in the fact that it is so intense and so brief and so unfairly taken away within a setting of huge drama. Self sacrifice may be the romantic ideal being portrayed here but there are few us of who watched this without a tear. At 3 hours, we are overtaken by every emotion and for days afterwards the movie leaves a haunting impact. But it is the drama of the two lovers that affected the worlds audiences the most. Superb.

Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

I cannot believe this is only ten years ago. To me it feels like a film from folklore, certainly in terms of perfect romantic movies. Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks may be too sweet a pairing for some but in terms of romantic fantasy land this is about as close to heaven as one can get. Beautifully scripted and filmed and pulling on our heart strings with required, it is the perfect vehicle for the starts of the show to illustrate why they are both romantic stars. Meeting on top of the Empire State building - well who wouldn't! There are some reviews on the web that try and analyze this movie as if it was Ben Hur, lets not bother. Instead grab your pop corn and settle in with your sweetheart.

Pretty Woman (1990)

When asked, it came back in almost every top 10 I was given. Maybe it was the dream pairing of Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, maybe it was the story of a girl finally made good. Maybe it was simply about boy choosing girl just when you think he might not. Whatever aspect you wish to focus on, this is top class romantic entertainment that over the years has not aged one bit. Critics should take note of the people's view as there were some unkind reports on this movie. Clearly these guys have no heart. Rent and watch and remind yourself how on screen romance should look. Yes it may be a re make of Pygmalion but quite frankly, who cares.

City of Angels (1998)

My personal favorite and one that is hugely successful in terms of presenting the answer to the complex romantic equation of romance, love and mortality. Meg Ryan again and based partly on the classic earlier film Wim Wenders' movie, Wings of Desire, City of Angels is beautifully filmed and acted, Meg being particularly on form. Nicholas Cage as the angel Seth finds himself at odds with the world by falling in love with Meg who looks almost as angelic as Nick throughout. Ultimately Seth's fall from grace to be with the woman he loves tugs at the heart but nothing on earth can prepare you for romantic dram of the final moments. From the opening heart breaking scene, to the angels portrayed as beings of light , aloof in high places, this movie appeals on every level Glorious and gorgeous in every way with a music score to match.

Casablanca (1942)

This classic and adored timeless classic is really a romantic melodrama. Often quoted ("here's lookin' at you, kid" and the always misquoted "play it again Sam"), it has lost none of its romantic value in the last 61 years. Against a wartime backdrop we are presented as viewers with a classic love triangle where two men vie of the affections of the same woman. Humphrey Bogart in splendid form as the exiled loner and the film its self attends to the theme of lost love. The ending is a romantic classic. If it is Sunday evening and raining outside this is the one for you (both).

An Affair to Remember (1957)

One of my favorites, the essential romantic storyline is that Cary Grant, an eligible bachelor is set to marry an heiress. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on your viewpoint he meets Deborah Kerr whilst traveling alone on a luxury yacht and realizes he's engaged to the wrong woman. Just to complicate matters, she is engaged to the wrong man. In the end they agree to spend six months apart and if they still love each other they will reunite six months later at the top of the Empire State Building. Of course the threat of tragedy strikes. Even today elements of this storyline find their way into modern romantic productions. I have to mention one of the top cinematic romantic moments when Cary Grant walks into Deborah Kerr's room and sees the painting she had bought but which he had painted. A great romantic treat.

The Way we Were (1973)

I have always been a great fan of Robert Redford and it is easy today for the younger generation to forget not only his but Barbara Streisand 's formidable talents. Here we have two young lovers with differing political ideologies who come together, one the conservative , the other a radical. Its an odd thing but there are aspects to the American cinema of the early 1970's that have never been emulated (see The Last Picture Show for example) anywhere else and this embodies many sensitive romantic ideals that are rarely portrayed today. Miss Streisand won a deserved Oscar for her portrayal of the woman in love and the music will make your spine tingle. Lovely.

Dr Zhivago (1965)

The year I was born was 1965 but Omar Sharif still looks better today than I ever have. The music is mesmerizing, the, film work unbelievable and epic and the love story, simply stunning. Recently re-released in special edition DVD format, this is one for a weekend in and perfect for lovers of romantic movies everywhere. Julie Christie still look as gorgeous as ever and the perfect romantic heroine for this film. Set against the backdrop of the Russian revolution, Sharif and Christie portray two lovers who are separated and brought together again by war and fate. Once again it is a movie that combines romance and tragedy as the two appear to be intertwined but for a treat of cinematic vistas and passion this is a must see.

Brief Encounter (1946)

Celia and Johnson and Trevor Howard star in this romantic classic. A housewife by chance meets a married Doctor at a railway station. What transpires is a cinematic masterpiece of inspired passion and unrequited love between an English middle-class man and woman. Even the title has moved into general romantic speak. If you haven't seen it then put it at the top of the pile because you cannot be classed as educated in the art of romance until you have. My own note is that I was told it was filmed at Carnforth railway station at the edge of the English Lake District.

Oh and we now want to add the fantastic John Cusack movie, High Fidelity - just because !

Happy romantic viewing!

How to Ask Someone Out: Get the Timing Right

When dating successfully, getting your timing right is one of the single most important factors. Timing in respect to the best time to ask a girl out, with respect to what night to ask her out first and even with respect to when in your lives you actually meet at all.

Looking back on my life so far I realize that when relationships didn't work out, it wasn't because the girls I dated were wrong for me. Most often it was because we simply met at the wrong time in our lives. To meet a great girl who wants to get married to you when you are aged 22 may just be wrong timing. Meeting a fantastic lady when you are working abroad or on a short contract in a different location may be bad timing and meeting someone who wants children when you are not yet ready is again bad timing. It cannot be helped and often it is a sad truth in life. The people we would have matured with best are often the ones we encountered just at the wrong moment in time. One cannot go back and one cannot rekindle something lost in time, so we have to accept that bad timing does happen with all of us.

The next time we face timing issues is when asking a girl out at just the wrong moment. We are attracted to someone and take the initiative or opportunity, only to discover that she got married three weeks earlier, or that she has just broken up with someone and is not yet ready for a new relationship. Maybe there has been a family crisis and the girl you are interested in is not predisposed for a romantic encounter. Three times in my life I have met great girls just as they (or I) were relocating to a new city! On top of this if you add illness and many other factors, there are plenty of opportunities for getting your timing wrong and invariably this is not your fault. Just a fact of life.

If someone accepts your proposal of a date then you can control the timing somewhat better. Your basic instinct is to go for a weekend because you won't need to go to work the following day and so can stay out later. Often there are more social events to go to at a weekend and more restaurants open and with better atmosphere. Clubs, bars and discos are all far more attractive at a weekend and offer many more possibilities of dating. Yet this may be a good example of bad timing.

When dating you may want to think about the attractiveness of a week night which can work to your benefit. Weekends are often the only real free time people have got and many now plan their weekends well in advance. I do not like being diarized but again it is a fact of life in the early stages of dating. However a week next Saturday for a date takes away some of the glamour I admit. Weekdays are fairly dull affairs in comparison and many are taken up with hobbies or simply commuting. They are also far less formal than a weekend and a first date on a weeknight can be seen as far more relaxed and informal.

Also, week nights are not late night affairs and an unsuccessful date can be gently brought to an end. So dinner after work may be a good thing after all. Also bear in mind that week nights can be dull and so a sparkling evening with you will do you and them no harm at all. In fact you are not competing with some other glamorous event the girl could have attended instead of being with you, so you are far less likely to face that troublesome contrast. Dating midweek also opens up the possibilities of more dates in a shorter amount of time and successful dates can quickly become longer prolonged weekend dates shortly afterwards.

You can do a great deal to help yourself with disappointment when a girl says no to you. Be flexible in your arrangements. Always offer a girl a choice of dates and locations and understand when she has reasons for doing other things. All too often when someone says no you automatically assume you are being given an excuse and that the truth lies elsewhere. You assume too much. Let her know that you are interested in her and that when things are better for her in her diary , that you can make some arrangements. Always stress that you are busy too and this will add to your overall appeal. Remember that you too must never be too available otherwise it comes across that you are uninteresting, or even worse, desperate. We have all heard the fabled excuse "I can't, I'm washing my hair tonight." That could be true.

On the other hand, lame excuses are just that, lame. They are mean to warn you off and persistence may be a good trait but it doesn't often win the girl. Interest factor is at play there and when a woman makes to many lame excuses it shows her interest factor is low. If she was very interested, believe me she will move heaven and earth to meet you. Therefore it is essential that you get your timing right and ask a girl out when there is the greatest chance she will say yes. That does not mean you should prey on her when she is at her lowest ebb. When a girl says no and means it, you will know it. Coming on to her after that and you become a menace so simply move in. It is a numbers game my friend.

If you are in a nightclub, timing again plays its part. Asking a girl to dance when she has just met up with a huge group of friends will receive a negative response even if she likes the look of you. On the other hand, intercepting her at the bar whilst her friend is in the bathroom may well prove perfect. Try reading the signals of the situation in a positive way. Asking a girl to dance at 1am as the club is about to play the last song will usually get you nowhere unless both she and you are desperate. And what basis is that or successful dating?

So, whilst being flexible and semi available, know your subject in advance and work out when she is most likely to be available if possible. If your timing is right, you could easily get lots of positive responses that will lead on to something more special. Not taking timing into account can have the opposite and most disheartening effect.

• Understand when a woman has good reason to say no
• Be flexible and offer an alternative when asking - are you free Thursday or Friday?
• Don't fight her excuses if she says no -move on
• Always sound busy yourself
• Accept that some people you will meet at the wrong time
• Choose a weeknight for the first date
• Chhose the right moment to apprach a date in a bar of nightclub
• Never be scared of asking. The more you ask the more confident you will be
• Try not to ask her out in the middle of a big group, choose your moment carefully for maximum effect
• Don't get annoyed if she says no. Smile!
• Try and know as much about your date's circumstances in advance only if she is known to you already
• Work out the best moments to ask someone out
• Don't ask her out when she is clearly busy or stressed or unhappy or not well

BENEFITS OF DOUBLE DATES

Many people of all ages enjoy double dating. Married couples sometimes take vacations together, while singles often bunch in couples to visit amusement parks or go out to dinner. Whatever your age, marital status, or gender, double dating can offer certain benefits and advantages:

1. Have fun! Going out with another couple generally is more fun than being a duo. With a mixture of personalities and backgrounds, you are sure to experience several viewpoints and perspectives. That is what makes double dating so much fun. Not only are you getting to know the person you’re dating, you also become more familiar with the other three people that you go out with. Shared laughter in conversation and shared emotions during a film help the group members to get to know each other better.

2. Rest secure in dating accountability. No matter who your date is, going out with another couple helps to provide more accountability for individual behavior. Any person in the group may be less likely to misbehave via improper language or overdrinking, for example, when others are around to keep an eye on things, directly or indirectly. If someone does drink too much and is unfit to drive, the other couple may take charge, send the person home in a cab, and look after the person’s date.

3. Face less pressure to talk or entertain. In a one-to-one situation, each person feels as though he or she must talk incessantly and keep the other person amused for the date to be successful. But in a group of four, individual pressure diminishes, since several people may be contributing to the conversation and in fact, competing to have the final say. You don’t have to worry about long pauses or saying the right or wrong thing, since three other people may be taking turns in the same conversation.

4. You need not fear unwelcome advances. With another couple around, there is less if any chance of your date putting the moves on you. Of course, if the other couple starts getting passionate, your date may become aroused as well. But hopefully the four of you will agree ahead of time as to the turn of events and behavioral standards. Sometimes the latter is unspoken, especially if both couples know each other well, but everyone should know what to expect and what is acceptable.

5. Group discounts may be available. Going out with one or more other couples can lead to an entertainment discount. Dining coupons often provide a two-for-one experience. While one couple can take advantage of such offers on their own, doing so with other couples makes the experience more enjoyable. Amusement parks or theaters may offer discounts for admission fees for groups of several persons. It pays to call ahead and ask.

Going out on a double date makes the event more like a group outing with friends than a romantic interlude with a potential partner. Decide in advance which situation you want to cultivate before arranging your night out—with or without a double date

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ROMANCE QUIZ
Even those of us who consider ourselves relationship experts admit that meeting the right person in today's busy world is a tremendous challenge. Flirting can be fun, but when you're looking for love, meeting new people and making first impressions can try your patience and test your soul.

It's often hard to know if you're sending the right signals to your date and it can be equally difficult to judge the messages that your date is sending you. The surveys in this section will help you understand if your dating strategies are working, and what you can do to make them more effective. Although the dating world isn't always easy, try to enjoy yourself. It may take a few tries before you meet the right person, but keep a positive attitude and you're likely to have fun, and meet interesting people along the way.

Do You Know How to Meet Single People?
1. Where would you most likely hang out if you were trying to get a date?
a. A noisy bar or discob. The laundromat on a Sunday afternoonc. Outside of a center for couples therapyd. A coffee shop in a hip neighbourhoode. An amusement park on a family-themed weekend
2. What do you usually do on Friday nights?
a. Make dinner for myself and watch some television or a videob. Meet a few close friends for dinner or drinksc. Gather with a group - some old friends, some newd. Carefully recompose, but never submit, my singles ade. Hit happy hour on the downtown scene
3. You meet an attractive person you might be interested in. Do you check for a wedding ring?
a. Instantlyb. Only if I consider asking them outc. Sometimesd. Never
4. It's been said that you should never leave the house without looking your best, because you never know when you might meet someone. Do you agree or disagree?
a. Strongly agreeb. Agree, but with reservationsc. It would depend on where I was goingd. Strongly disagree
5. What's the first question that you would ask a good friend who had a new love?
a. How they metb. If the new love has any cute friendsc. How your friend knew this was "the one"d. If this would mean that your friend would no longer be available for you
6. Do you ever make eye contact with strangers in public places?
a. All the timeb. When feeling adventurousc. Neverd. Only if I notice someone who seems especially intriguing
7. Have you ever given a stranger your telephone number?
a. Never - and I never wouldb. I give out my number as often as I canc. No - but if I had a good feeling about someone, I mightd. Just a few times
8. Which of the following do you consider to be a great opening line?
a. "Hey baby, what's your sign?"b. "Ummm..."c. "Can I buy you a drink?"d. "You look very familiar, have we met before?"e. " I don't mean to intrude, but I noticed that you're reading..."
9. A friend asks you to join a book group for singles; you only know one or two members. What would you do?
a. I would join, but I wouldn't say much the first few timesb. I would refuse, and suggest that my friend and I just meet for coffee and talk about booksc. I would join, but only attend intermittentlyd. I woud join instantly, and send all the other members my vital stats over email
10. A wedding is...
a. A romantic backdrop and a place to meet new peopleb. A chance to connect with old friends and meet new onesc. Something that I'm sure I'll never be part ofd. A grim reminder of my single state
11. Have you ever thrown a party? If so, what kind?
a. A huge bash for everyone I knew, friends and friends of friendsb. An intimate dinner for close friendsc. An elegant affair where some people came alone and some brought datesd. I've never thrown a party - I'm too busy going out to entertaine. I've never thrown a party - I consider myself fairly antisocial

Scoring:
1. a=2; b=3; c=1; d=3; e=12. a=1; b=2; c=3; d=1; e=33. a=3; b=2; c=2; d=14. a=3; b=2; c=2; d=15. a=2; b=3; c=2; d=16. a=3; b=2; c=1; d=27. a=1; b=3; c=2; d=28. a=3; b=1; c=3; d=2; e=29. a=2; b=1; c=2; d=310.a=3; b=2; c=1; d=111.a=3; b=1; c=2; d=3; e=1

What Your Score Means
11 to 17:
Stubbornly Single
Clearly, you're the kind of person who prefers the company of a select few to the splendor of the masses. Whilst it's great to be comfortable with being alone, it might be time to reconsider whether, by refusing to come out of your shell, you're inadvertently narrowing your own horizons. Meeting new people is difficult, but it's a challenge that is often its own reward - even if you don't make any dates, you'll often expand your view of the world by taking a chance on someone new. Push yourself - you could be surprised by what you discover!

18 to 26:
Open to Possibilities
You're confident and comfortable with your single status, so you don't feel the need to constantly be looking for new contacts. This confidence is a great draw to other people - when you do feel motivated to talk to someone new, it's clear that that person is pretty special. Whether you are in a room full of singles, or a few close old friends, you are open, warm and inviting, and these qualities will bring you more potential partners than a thousand pickup lines. So relax, and enjoy yourself!

27 to 33:
Patrolling the Market
Your single-people-meeting skills are finely honed. When it comes to looking for potential partners, the world is your oyster, and every situation and social event is a possible place where you could cross paths with a new suitor. Whilst it's always great to remain open to the possibility of meeting new people, you should be careful to consider the feelings of your old friends - you don't want any of them to feel like their friendship is less important than finding a romantic partner. When push comes to shove, old friends are more important than new blood. Still, you've got a great attitude toward meeting new people, and you could probably give lessons in how to get a date!


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PLACES TO DATE – FOR MEN
When faced with the prospect of dating ideas with someone new, it is always amazing how quickly one's mental creative energies normally nuclear fuelled take on the attributes of the Sahara Desert. Yes, Saturday and Sunday need to be filled as does Tuesday evening with person X and what have you thought of so far ? Zilch!

Ironically, whilst our minds are buzzing with thousands of ideas they are usually all useless and not appropriate in this instance. Two weeks last Thursday you could have thought of flying to Niagara Falls for dinner, ballooning over Paris at dawn or swimming naked together by moonlight in your local pool. But two weeks later with new date on the phone and even worse heading to meet you after work and you can think of absolutely nothing at all. Worse still, you have no preference and start using phrases like "no, that's fine, whatever you like, its up to you, you choose".

Stop right there. There is a danger here of appearing completely useless and about to fall at the first hurdle so its time to pre-plan and get your thinking caps on. It’s time for dating ideas. Of course dating ideas differ depending on whether it is first date, second date or so on. Maybe you are hoping that the third date will be spent in bed but lets not get ahead of ourselves. For now we will stick to social functions and activities their parents would approve of.

The key to dating in the early stages is keeping it manageable, relatively inexpensive, within easy travel proximity's and also within manageable timelines. Particularly on a first date, you may wish to leave early, or so may they. An exit plan for both guys and girls is always useful. After the initial date the key to good dating ideas is to make them sociable, relaxed, fun, public and open-ended. Lets face it, why stop a date that is really going well. That is why I favor lunchtimes for first dates and afternoons for weekend second dates. Lunchtimes are good because they have predetermined time restrictions and can be abandoned if necessary with little harm done. Saturday afternoons are great for a second date because that allows both of you to over run if things are going really well.

Dinner is often the case for a first date but its often too formal leading to too much social pressure. Both parties feel obliged to finish the meal even if its going badly and there is always a decent sized bill to cap it all. It’s late in the day so parties may not sparkle as they normally would, there may be transport issues, darkness, alcohol, fatigue, dress and very importantly, the restaurant may not be to both tastes.

So, with this in mind, here are some ideas for keeping things fun, real and enjoyable. Make your own list in advance of any dating for your own city so that you have some ideas in advance. Always have a good food guide and know some nice daytime places to visit. Oh and always avoid places where you can't chat, like the movies!

First Date
· Lunchtime convenient coffee shop
· Lunchtime restaurant
· Early evening restaurant

Second Date
· Weekend walk in the park and lunch
· Visit the Zoo and lunch
· Ice skating - always a winner
· Indoor Bowling and dinner
· A ballgame or sports event and lunch
· Art Gallery and museums

Third Date
· Amusement and adventure park
· All day Water park - Summer !
· Visit the beach and lunch
· Include them in a sporting activity
· Visit a tourist attraction and take in drinks and dinner
· Theater and dinner
· Adventure Activity




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FIRST IMPRESSIONS FOR MEN
In you stroll, looking hot in that new dress or suit with the Manolo's or Jimmy Choo shoes. You know you look good after all, it cost you a fortune. You are feeling confident due to the way you are looking and you know he wants you. Go get him girl. Does that ring true? Well maybe, maybe not. On the other hand, in you stroll, black Armani or Hugo Boss suit, Italian leather shoes, handmade shirt. You are feeling good, you are feeling successful, you are feeling confident. Yes, my friends, in this fatuous day and age we are what we wear.

Now I am not saying that we need to spend a King's ransom on the latest designer gear, fashions, style and hand crafted luxury wear from Italy or wherever. But I am suggesting that when we dress well we feel good, we believe we look good and we feel we can do anything we choose. So when dating, its important to look good because if you do, you will feel good too. Good style means a good level of confidence.

Forget arguing about body shape and expense in your defense against my argument here, it doesn't wash. You can look stylish and classic whatever your shape within reason and whatever your budget. Black will always be classic and well tailored clothes will always look a cut above the rest. I cannot walk down any high street or through any mall these days without being inundated with a sense of style. Everywhere we look there are shops desperate to dress you well. The fact that you don't choose to go in them is not the point. Therefore turning up for your first date in a comfy sweatshirt or sports top may make you feel relaxed but it shows absolute contempt for your date who has spent the best part of the last two hours getting ready for your squalid self. Get a grip man.

Okay so whilst my female readership doesn't need a lecture in self presentation generally, my male readership often does. The first thing I want you to remember men is that a woman will judge you by looking straight down at your shoes. You may not see what the fuss is about but she may as well be looking straight past your shoes, all the way down to hell. The fact is, the truth is in the detail. You have washed and scrubbed up well, but casting a more detailed glance over you and the small discrepancies are soon revealed. Missing cufflinks, tie all over the place, missing shirt button etc. All mean that deep down either you are a deeply wild and windswept sex god or you are a disaster in the making who has no idea of style and presentation. If you can't dress yourself buddy, what makes you think you can undress her.

But shoes are the biggest giveaway because men think of them as practical necessities that are comfortable rather than looking at the style involved. It is obvious what is classic and in fashion right now, simply turn your eyes and look through the window of the nearest ubiquitous show store. Once you have bought them, ensure they match the rest of the outfit. No don't mix brown with black and if shoeshine cream is as rare as diamonds in your apartment then get back to the shop and sort it out. Good shoes mean that you have attention to detail, she has seen and she has noted!

Men often make the mistake of thinking that the woman is relaxed and kind of a casual gal so he doesn't need to go mad when meeting up. He can be smart but casual. I have news for you, most men are casual, not smart but casual. It doesn't happen in my experience. Men have no idea at all what is like to get ready as a woman. The fact that you look subtle and classically understated is lost on a man. He thinks it took you 5 minutes to get ready. He has no idea. Which is why he threw on the white shirt that needed an iron and a pair of casual trousers in such a carefree fashion.

Do not believe GQ-style magazines, however marvelous they are. Whilst there is a small core of very well dressed men out there, they are not the norm. Take your average guy shopping to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and see how long he lasts. Whilst men have a better idea about appearance and do know some label makes and names, they are still eons behind women. But all is not lost. A man with a career can sort himself out in a few easy steps, he simply needs to get his wallet out.

Every man over the age of 25 should have a black, classic, single-breasted, good-quality suit together with the same in navy blue. He should have a casual jacket and a collection of plain colored well made cotton shirts. He should have three pairs of good quality leather shoes, in black and brown and they should be modern and in good condition. A man should have a good quality masculine watch. This is very important as it is possibly the only piece of jewelry a man may ever display. Okay a watch is a timepiece and a necessity but it speaks volumes about you. Some women have expressed a liking for men with large masculine sports watches, but whatever you do wear, it should be a classic as it will speak volumes about your taste.

You should always carry on you a good quality leather wallet that is not stuffed with receipts, preferably in black which you always wear within a jacket pocket, not stuffed into a pocket of your trousers. Whilst you may begin to think I am trying to describe James Bond, you are not far wrong. You can do far worse than to watch a Bond movie to get a sense of class and style. Neither am I suggesting that you alter your image from that which is really you. But as we are discussing first impressions, then you will need to think carefully about the way you do present yourself.

I can only think of a handful of men in my lifetime who do smart but casual well. For many men, it means jeans and a crumpled shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Take a good look about you and think long and hard about your current image and get some feedback from female friends as to how they really perceive your look. You may get a nasty shock. If you are pleasantly surprised then you are on your way.

Finally, though I have spelt this out before, I will do it one more time. Looking good is important, as is feeling comfortable. However along with this you should smell good. For men, Aftershave and cologne of a high quality are essential, and the less mainstream the better. For a start, if it is not one of the perennial brands then your date may not have smelled the scent before and will find it unusual and possibly attractive. She will most certainly notice. This is all part of making a good impression. It shows you have made an effort for her and you care. More than one Aftershave is good, a lemon based on for day wear and a heavier woody cologne for the evening with a hint of musk. But always consult and test because many Aftershaves do not suit some types of skin. So spray and then walk round the store before deciding.

Looking and smelling good is not a one-off situation. For second and subsequent dates you need to keep up the good work so I am not recommending your first impression-making attempts are not really you. I really am suggesting you take a long hard look at your current image and begin to change things for the better if necessary. And certainly for the long term. Finally, remember that your efforts will be appreciated even if nothing is ever said. In one short phrase, first impressions count.

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