SINGLE AND 30
Being ThirtySomething is rapidly becoming the crux age for many of us. It's the time when we have matured and have woken up one morning to understand finally who we are and what we are about. We generally have some idea of direction at this age and it is a time for choices and crossroads. Life may have begun at 40 in times gone by but these days your 30th birthday is the age to sit up and take note. It is a time for reflection and self analysis, for checking how we are doing with our ambitions, and coming to terms with the fact that we are passing into a more mature age group - like it or not. I am not suggesting that becoming 30 means getting older or changing our lives but there are few of us who doubt it is not a time when we start to think - think a lot.
Now dating is heavily related to this ThirtySomethings age group because now that careers have been sorted out and a salary is coming in regularly it has dawned on us that we better get a partner to share some of these things with. For women, it may be a time when children become dauntingly high on their list of priorities and the hunt is on for a suitable parent and father. It may not yet be a time for frantic panic but its not far away. We will not get steadily older and whilst some of us will get better with age, most of us start to look a little ragged round the edges so we need to secure the best dating options whilst we still can
Being ThirtySomething means having more time and money to date properly, to make decisive choices about who, where and what you want to date and to learn from past dating mistakes. By now most of us will have at least on important relationships in the bag though some of us will not yet have fallen in love. We have strong friendships and plenty of shared practical experience in the ways of the heart. But all is not well, dating as you get older becomes increasingly frustrating and tiring. Your base levels for a perfect match have increased and you are becoming increasingly selective. You are tired of meeting jerks and timewasters and people who simply don't match with you, people out for sex and anything they can get.
The other major thing to add is that dating for ThirtySomethings is higher risk. Time is moving on, you don't want to waste more years in another failed relationship so you become determined to get it right so you become more cautious and careful. You are aware of divorce law, so you are also aware that you can meet the wrong person and they could take half of what you worked so hard to achieve. You have become cautious in your old age.
Dating fatigue has set in if you have been single for some time and you feel increasingly frustrated that you will not meet the right person. There is a tiny dread in the back of your mind that it may not be possible to meet Mr. or Miss Right because just maybe they don't exist. Increasingly you may come across unparalleled shallowness, in both sexes. Men can lose their hair in their thirties and women can age in different ways. Suddenly you won't do because you are thin on top or maybe your bosom isn't as pert as it was 10 years ago. You discover that that search for a soul mate may well be bull and that if you are George Clooney or Jennifer Aniston you will always do nicely.
The next issue to hit ThirtySomethings when dating is where to date. In your twenties you were are trance and rave clubs until 3am, or in bars with friends dancing until all hours and still able to be fresh in the office for 8.30am. Now you are 35, it isn't so easy to burn the candle at both ends. You need your sleep, you may not feel comfortable in places surrounded by people a decade younger so you may seek out solace in newer places. It is true that the cafe bar society has grown out of a wealthy ThirtySomething dating society and we can be thankful, but places to date are still not as easy to come by. It seems that clubs for ThirtySomethings are a little forced, and too directed to in your face dating. In other words, subtlety of the dating ritual has been lost, you are being checked out from the moment you enter the room.
Another issue that crops up with dating and ThirtySomethings is the age group we should date. Should we go for younger people, let us say aged 25 upwards, or maybe we like the more mature man or woman, let us say over 40. This really is an issue. It is an issue if we are still wanting children. In our thirties the people we may meet could already have a child or be separated or divorced and don't want another child. Or they may be actively seeking to have a child. If you are a woman you may be looking for a man who will make a good father. If you are a man you may be looking for a woman of child bearing age and therefore may not consider a woman over 40. This is the dilemma. Age starts to become a factor. It is possible you will feel you don't have much in common with someone aged 21 but do find them attractive, on the other hand you may find yourself drawn to the more mature aspects of an older man or woman. You can go in both directions at this age as you straddle the age gap.
The people we meet of our own age gap now have stories to tell, they may have baggage or they may have lost of baggage. We all have some kind of emotional dross we carry with us but in this age group it becomes very relevant. Do we want to meet people who already have a child by someone else, could we cope with children who aren't ours? There are a great many people on the rebound who have just spent years in relationships that didn't end. They could have had a 12 year marriage and be 31 and divorced and vowing never to get married again. Therefore, the people we meet as ThirtySomethings are far more complex than before.
The purpose of this article is not to provide answers but to acknowledge that being ThirtySomething is a very difficult age for dating and to recognize some of the factors that we are all sharing. I for one am 37 and never married so I know this subject well. We will carry on dating with renewed optimism but let us not forget that there are millions of people just like us, all looking for our perfect partner whilst coping with the issues stated.
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Friday, 30 November 2007
Thursday, 29 November 2007
DATING RULES FOR WOMEN
Guys, if you don't like this, tough - look away now.
Women have some general rules that they should content with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published recently in the USA that sets out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or woman). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile but the fact is when we grow up there are a predefined set of dating rules. All that happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21 and then find we need to relearn them.
I wish there weren't any general rules and we just got on with it but courtship is a ritual; there are things that we make happen that excite stimulate, create interest, confound etc. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together then the chances of long term happiness may be reduced. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work too interestingly.
In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date there are things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game then there are rules to that game and winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge so feel free to adapt rule and add them as you feel inclined.
You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.
General Dating Rules
· Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick and wearing rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage, you are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
· Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
· Keep dates brief but your men interested. Less is always more.
· Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
· Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
· Ensure you receive flowers, if he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
· Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
· Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
· Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
· If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
· Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
· Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
· Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practise on a mirror if you have to.
· Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only.
· Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking
· If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
· If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump him
· Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
· Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember.
· If the guy in the corner is gorgeous go and get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
· You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
· If you are wanting a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
· Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
Online Dating Rules
· Always let them come to you, don't chase via email
· Block anyone who annoys you instantly
· Place the best & most vampish photo up you can find
· Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines
· Remain aloof and let yourself be chased
· Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt
· Never provide you true email or phone details to the man
· Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn
· Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy as well as enigmatic
· Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best
· Do not assume the man you are talking to is destitute or sad
· Never ever reply to emails at weekends, wait until a weekday
· Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile
· If you don't want to date married men spell it out in your profile
· A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored
· Make sure your humour levels come across in text
· Do not chat to hundreds of men at once, the delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
· Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
· Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results
Always remember ladies that you are a sexy desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always let yourself be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date.
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Guys, if you don't like this, tough - look away now.
Women have some general rules that they should content with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published recently in the USA that sets out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or woman). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile but the fact is when we grow up there are a predefined set of dating rules. All that happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21 and then find we need to relearn them.
I wish there weren't any general rules and we just got on with it but courtship is a ritual; there are things that we make happen that excite stimulate, create interest, confound etc. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together then the chances of long term happiness may be reduced. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work too interestingly.
In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date there are things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game then there are rules to that game and winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge so feel free to adapt rule and add them as you feel inclined.
You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.
General Dating Rules
· Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick and wearing rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage, you are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
· Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
· Keep dates brief but your men interested. Less is always more.
· Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
· Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
· Ensure you receive flowers, if he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
· Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
· Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
· Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
· If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
· Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
· Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
· Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practise on a mirror if you have to.
· Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only.
· Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking
· If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
· If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump him
· Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
· Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember.
· If the guy in the corner is gorgeous go and get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
· You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
· If you are wanting a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
· Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
Online Dating Rules
· Always let them come to you, don't chase via email
· Block anyone who annoys you instantly
· Place the best & most vampish photo up you can find
· Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines
· Remain aloof and let yourself be chased
· Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt
· Never provide you true email or phone details to the man
· Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn
· Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy as well as enigmatic
· Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best
· Do not assume the man you are talking to is destitute or sad
· Never ever reply to emails at weekends, wait until a weekday
· Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile
· If you don't want to date married men spell it out in your profile
· A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored
· Make sure your humour levels come across in text
· Do not chat to hundreds of men at once, the delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
· Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
· Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results
Always remember ladies that you are a sexy desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always let yourself be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date.
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Wednesday, 28 November 2007
ESSENTIAL TOP DATING TIPS
I thought I would bring you the key dating tips I have gathered along the way in the hope of assisting and enlightening those who need assistance. If you are new to the dating scene, a regular or just simply someone trying to meet someone new there should always be time for top dating tips, advice, information and things to consider. None of us are dating experts otherwise we would have a magic formula to present to others. And no, looks are not the magic formula otherwise all supermodels would be blissfully happy - which they are not my friend. Good looking people the world over struggle when it comes to affairs of the heart. Think of all the major figures in history who have fallen in matters of romance.
The truth is, there are no magic formulas, no perfect tricks of the trade, no cunning ways of trapping Mr.Right or Miss Right and no top dating tips that wave a magic wand. But there are some essential facts that you should always bear in mind along the way. Dating tips are just that - tips, they are not promises written in stone and different things will always work differently for different people. However, I have noticed that there are some threads of advice that keep cropping up and therefore it is worth reiterating them here.
TOP DATING TIPS
· PREPARE FOR DATING. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, decide who you are looking for, do your research and be ready to commit to dating. Half heartedness won't work. Also prepare for some let downs along the way but don't take dating too seriously either.
· GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself.
· GO SHOPPING. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don't go overboard and look like someone you are not but maybe its time to throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. People appreciate appearance.
· GET DATING GOALS. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don't take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.
· GET CONFIDENT. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Do all the things that will boost your confidence from avoiding negative friends (often the married ones) to attending the right kind of social functions. Couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now.
· AIM RIGHT. Set your level, don't aim low but do aim realistically. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous then good for you, but be prepared and be realistic about your chances.
· JOIN THINGS. Work out in advance where in your neighborhood you are likely to meet people and join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups, anything where you are likely to meet potential partners. The kind of partners you are looking for. I know its a cliché but you will not meet people by staying indoors.
· HAVE A REST. Take time off from dating occasionally if its not going well or causing dating fatigue. Dating is an ongoing process and so recharging the batteries and keeping the confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. So date in phases if necessary.
· ENJOY IT. Dating is fun. Dating is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not bring you a sparkle. The fact is, most people are interesting and whilst you may not be out there looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.
· DON’T BE TOO AVAILABLE. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. In keeping with this do not sleep with your dates early on if you want them to progress, so keep sex until later. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. Peak too early and you have little left to offer and emotions may never have had the time to develop.
· START INTERNET DATING. Take your time and check your mail occasionally. Even if you never date online at least it will boost your confidence and spirits and allow you to practise your opening lines and chat up skills. Internet dating is fun and secure and introduces you to the world of dating safely and gently.
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I thought I would bring you the key dating tips I have gathered along the way in the hope of assisting and enlightening those who need assistance. If you are new to the dating scene, a regular or just simply someone trying to meet someone new there should always be time for top dating tips, advice, information and things to consider. None of us are dating experts otherwise we would have a magic formula to present to others. And no, looks are not the magic formula otherwise all supermodels would be blissfully happy - which they are not my friend. Good looking people the world over struggle when it comes to affairs of the heart. Think of all the major figures in history who have fallen in matters of romance.
The truth is, there are no magic formulas, no perfect tricks of the trade, no cunning ways of trapping Mr.Right or Miss Right and no top dating tips that wave a magic wand. But there are some essential facts that you should always bear in mind along the way. Dating tips are just that - tips, they are not promises written in stone and different things will always work differently for different people. However, I have noticed that there are some threads of advice that keep cropping up and therefore it is worth reiterating them here.
TOP DATING TIPS
· PREPARE FOR DATING. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, decide who you are looking for, do your research and be ready to commit to dating. Half heartedness won't work. Also prepare for some let downs along the way but don't take dating too seriously either.
· GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself.
· GO SHOPPING. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don't go overboard and look like someone you are not but maybe its time to throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. People appreciate appearance.
· GET DATING GOALS. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don't take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.
· GET CONFIDENT. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Do all the things that will boost your confidence from avoiding negative friends (often the married ones) to attending the right kind of social functions. Couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now.
· AIM RIGHT. Set your level, don't aim low but do aim realistically. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous then good for you, but be prepared and be realistic about your chances.
· JOIN THINGS. Work out in advance where in your neighborhood you are likely to meet people and join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups, anything where you are likely to meet potential partners. The kind of partners you are looking for. I know its a cliché but you will not meet people by staying indoors.
· HAVE A REST. Take time off from dating occasionally if its not going well or causing dating fatigue. Dating is an ongoing process and so recharging the batteries and keeping the confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. So date in phases if necessary.
· ENJOY IT. Dating is fun. Dating is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not bring you a sparkle. The fact is, most people are interesting and whilst you may not be out there looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.
· DON’T BE TOO AVAILABLE. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. In keeping with this do not sleep with your dates early on if you want them to progress, so keep sex until later. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. Peak too early and you have little left to offer and emotions may never have had the time to develop.
· START INTERNET DATING. Take your time and check your mail occasionally. Even if you never date online at least it will boost your confidence and spirits and allow you to practise your opening lines and chat up skills. Internet dating is fun and secure and introduces you to the world of dating safely and gently.
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Tuesday, 27 November 2007
ARE YOU TOO AVAILABLE?
Here is a truth, most single people are too available. Far too available when dating. Think about the things you aspire to, good clothes, expensive Italian car perhaps, Tiffany jewelry, Rolex watches, a 100 foot yacht. Whatever. The fact is the things we most want or desire in life are often the least accessible. Things are seen to be worthwhile because they are rare. Rarity is the key ingredient here. The less we can get hold of something, the more we want it after the initial need or feeling of desire is created.
The unobtainable is oh so sweet, from the catwalk supermodel to Brad Pitt, we can dream but we cannot have. And that, my single friends is the point of this article. When you date stop being so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stop being available 24 hours a day and start being elusive. Why? For the reasons I have just said. Create the need and then remove it and the desire factors go through the roof.
The problem with following this brief piece of advice is that it is extremely difficult for mere single mortals to do. When we meet singles we really like we stop playing games, we want to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, our waking hours are devoted to our next date. The problem is, our date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can set in. Worse, by being too available we cheapen our own attractiveness, we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less desirable.
So what we need to do is train our single selves to be enigmatic and elusive and stop being so available. A single friend of mine worked in a bar in Manchester and was always attracting single girls but he never appeared to get anywhere after the first couple of dates. He is a lovely single guy and probably one of the most reliable single men I have ever met. He wanted to know why single women seemed to lose interest in him and stopped calling for dates so we performed an experiment. He was asked not to call the single women he dated, maybe once but after that let the women chase. They would leave messages, he didn't reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would pop into the bar to see him but he never offered to make new arrangements first. He maintained their interest levels and very soon he discovered that the single girls were now chasing him! The point here was that he had become elusive, he had an air of mystery now, was someone the single girls wanted to get to know. He was a challenge.
It has happened to me on numerous occasions that I have let myself become too available. I had to learn the hard way. I met a beautiful single girl whilst working in London and it appeared to be perfect from the moment we met, so much so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent almost two full weeks together. Then all of a sudden it stopped. And she wanted to call things off. The fact was that I had become too available for her, I was there whenever she wanted, I had altered my routine too soon, too quickly and too much for things to work out. Of course I was available for all the right reasons but it had completely the wrong effect. I lost the single girl.
So when you meet someone you like, by all means get started down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your regular schedule and don't be available every day. If you are free both days of the weekend, one is for you, one is for your date. If you are free Tuesday and Thursday for dinner, let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Tuesday, you suggest Thursday. Don't call so frequently (which is extremely hard to do) and don't always answer your phone (yes really) and make sure that you can bring plenty of separate activity information back to your date when you do meet up.
For all the crazy forced separation, the dates you will have will be all the more spectacular. For many of you reading this you will think I am crazy or have misgivings about trying to do this and I bet that many of you won't listen when you meet the single person you are crazy about. The fact is, the less available you are to a degree, the more likely you will succeed in getting your Mr. Right or Miss.Right. Create the demand, become the diamond and then become as difficult top jewelers to get into, but sustain the desire factor - that's the way it works.
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Here is a truth, most single people are too available. Far too available when dating. Think about the things you aspire to, good clothes, expensive Italian car perhaps, Tiffany jewelry, Rolex watches, a 100 foot yacht. Whatever. The fact is the things we most want or desire in life are often the least accessible. Things are seen to be worthwhile because they are rare. Rarity is the key ingredient here. The less we can get hold of something, the more we want it after the initial need or feeling of desire is created.
The unobtainable is oh so sweet, from the catwalk supermodel to Brad Pitt, we can dream but we cannot have. And that, my single friends is the point of this article. When you date stop being so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stop being available 24 hours a day and start being elusive. Why? For the reasons I have just said. Create the need and then remove it and the desire factors go through the roof.
The problem with following this brief piece of advice is that it is extremely difficult for mere single mortals to do. When we meet singles we really like we stop playing games, we want to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, our waking hours are devoted to our next date. The problem is, our date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can set in. Worse, by being too available we cheapen our own attractiveness, we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less desirable.
So what we need to do is train our single selves to be enigmatic and elusive and stop being so available. A single friend of mine worked in a bar in Manchester and was always attracting single girls but he never appeared to get anywhere after the first couple of dates. He is a lovely single guy and probably one of the most reliable single men I have ever met. He wanted to know why single women seemed to lose interest in him and stopped calling for dates so we performed an experiment. He was asked not to call the single women he dated, maybe once but after that let the women chase. They would leave messages, he didn't reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would pop into the bar to see him but he never offered to make new arrangements first. He maintained their interest levels and very soon he discovered that the single girls were now chasing him! The point here was that he had become elusive, he had an air of mystery now, was someone the single girls wanted to get to know. He was a challenge.
It has happened to me on numerous occasions that I have let myself become too available. I had to learn the hard way. I met a beautiful single girl whilst working in London and it appeared to be perfect from the moment we met, so much so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent almost two full weeks together. Then all of a sudden it stopped. And she wanted to call things off. The fact was that I had become too available for her, I was there whenever she wanted, I had altered my routine too soon, too quickly and too much for things to work out. Of course I was available for all the right reasons but it had completely the wrong effect. I lost the single girl.
So when you meet someone you like, by all means get started down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your regular schedule and don't be available every day. If you are free both days of the weekend, one is for you, one is for your date. If you are free Tuesday and Thursday for dinner, let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Tuesday, you suggest Thursday. Don't call so frequently (which is extremely hard to do) and don't always answer your phone (yes really) and make sure that you can bring plenty of separate activity information back to your date when you do meet up.
For all the crazy forced separation, the dates you will have will be all the more spectacular. For many of you reading this you will think I am crazy or have misgivings about trying to do this and I bet that many of you won't listen when you meet the single person you are crazy about. The fact is, the less available you are to a degree, the more likely you will succeed in getting your Mr. Right or Miss.Right. Create the demand, become the diamond and then become as difficult top jewelers to get into, but sustain the desire factor - that's the way it works.
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Monday, 26 November 2007
KISSING
Kissing is not such a clear-cut subject as you may think. It depends where you are sitting when reading this article. For many countries in Asia for example kissing is a private affair that almost never happens in public. I remember a Filipino guy I worked with in Singapore who was completely amazed to the point of hysteria that two men were seen kissing in public on the London tube. He simply couldn't deal with that concept at all. I have lived in Asia for a while and it was very rare the whole time I was there to meet indigenous people who kissed openly. Indeed in Thailand it was far more common to rub noses than to ever touch lips.
Kissing is a sexual act to some degree and some societies simply do not view kissing as appropriate behaviour in public. Even in the UK , overt kissing in public is often frowned upon by older members of the public, even if as a youngster its perfectly natural. Then again on a summer evening in Rome, or a city park in Paris, I would expect to see couples of every age group kissing passionately as the most natural thing in the world. It all depends on where you are you see.
In western society kissing is a pretty normal mainstream pastime and rather lovely at that. The problem occurs when we start dating and are not sure when we should kiss and to what extent. The crux appears to be that we want our first kiss with someone we like to be prefect. If we begin dating and we don't kiss its unsettling, but if we are French Kissing (openmouthed) on day 1 the romance can dissolve too quickly. So it is a matter of waiting.
There is no definite here but it is pretty much accepted that on a first date, if it goes well then you should offer or accept a small kiss on the cheek and nothing more. This will occur when you go your separate ways and says that a basic level of attraction has been built up. The desire may be to kiss the lips off your date but hold back if you can. Anticipation is the mother of desire.
Of course by your second date, if you are both displaying all the signs of attraction then it won't take long before you are kissing more passionately but again it depends on the situation, culture and person you are with. Find the right place and wait as long as you cam I was dating a girl in Hong Kong and waited two weeks , seeing her 4 times a week, before we kissed properly. Believe me the kiss was worth the wait because it happened at the top of the mountain above Hong Kong called The Peak set against the lightening of an electric storm. An electric kiss it surely was and totally memorable for all the right reasons.
One thing that amazes me even now is how many people can't kiss. What I mean by that is that there are some people out there for who kissing means the oral Olympics. Having your tonsils pinned against the back of your throat by a tongue hardened like a javelin is not pleasant. The other issue seems to be people who purse their lips and make their mouth very hard when kissing. Kissing is a soft, delicate and sensual pastime savored slowly. Follow the lips of your partner and take things slowly and gently, allowing lips to brush and move so much so that they hardly touch. Kissing should make you shiver. Concentrate on the delicate corners of the mouth which are extremely sensitive and generally let the force guide you. As many woman will tell a man, kissing can be undertaken for hours and many women prefer kissing to anything else. It can be extremely sensual and sexual so don't ignore the technique.
I remember a date once telling me that she could never kiss passionately until she was sure the man was in love with her. She felt that 'proper' kissing was so explicit that it was inextricably linked to sex. If she began to kiss properly she wanted to go to bed. This tell us that kissing on dates means different things to different people. Don't expect too much at first, a kiss to some people means a great deal more to some than it may to you.
Sometimes dates will be shy and require encouragement to kiss so once you have had a few dates do take the initiative if you feel your date is being a little too shy and requires cajoling. The problem with that though is that many men are convinced they have misread the signals and dare not try and kiss in case they are wrong. This in turn can lead to a man appearing as lacking in confidence which can be critically bad. Take it from me guys, if you are on your third or fourth date and you haven't kissed but you are getting on great you may be better taking some small initiative.
Guys should also remember that kissing does not automatically lead to any other physical contact for some time, so be patient and take things slowly.
· Make sure you know how to kiss
· Ensure your hygiene is spot on
· Carry some gum if you need to freshen up
· Floss regularly
· Remember to kiss gently and sensitively
· Wait until you are ready to kiss and choose your moment
· Allow the passion of kissing to build up slowly
· Remember that a first kiss should be memorable
· Take the initiative if your partner is shy
· Learn the key body signals that demonstrate conclusively that your date wants to be kissed
· Remember that good kissing can be as sensual as sex
· Appreciate that some people do not liked to be kissed in public
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Kissing is not such a clear-cut subject as you may think. It depends where you are sitting when reading this article. For many countries in Asia for example kissing is a private affair that almost never happens in public. I remember a Filipino guy I worked with in Singapore who was completely amazed to the point of hysteria that two men were seen kissing in public on the London tube. He simply couldn't deal with that concept at all. I have lived in Asia for a while and it was very rare the whole time I was there to meet indigenous people who kissed openly. Indeed in Thailand it was far more common to rub noses than to ever touch lips.
Kissing is a sexual act to some degree and some societies simply do not view kissing as appropriate behaviour in public. Even in the UK , overt kissing in public is often frowned upon by older members of the public, even if as a youngster its perfectly natural. Then again on a summer evening in Rome, or a city park in Paris, I would expect to see couples of every age group kissing passionately as the most natural thing in the world. It all depends on where you are you see.
In western society kissing is a pretty normal mainstream pastime and rather lovely at that. The problem occurs when we start dating and are not sure when we should kiss and to what extent. The crux appears to be that we want our first kiss with someone we like to be prefect. If we begin dating and we don't kiss its unsettling, but if we are French Kissing (openmouthed) on day 1 the romance can dissolve too quickly. So it is a matter of waiting.
There is no definite here but it is pretty much accepted that on a first date, if it goes well then you should offer or accept a small kiss on the cheek and nothing more. This will occur when you go your separate ways and says that a basic level of attraction has been built up. The desire may be to kiss the lips off your date but hold back if you can. Anticipation is the mother of desire.
Of course by your second date, if you are both displaying all the signs of attraction then it won't take long before you are kissing more passionately but again it depends on the situation, culture and person you are with. Find the right place and wait as long as you cam I was dating a girl in Hong Kong and waited two weeks , seeing her 4 times a week, before we kissed properly. Believe me the kiss was worth the wait because it happened at the top of the mountain above Hong Kong called The Peak set against the lightening of an electric storm. An electric kiss it surely was and totally memorable for all the right reasons.
One thing that amazes me even now is how many people can't kiss. What I mean by that is that there are some people out there for who kissing means the oral Olympics. Having your tonsils pinned against the back of your throat by a tongue hardened like a javelin is not pleasant. The other issue seems to be people who purse their lips and make their mouth very hard when kissing. Kissing is a soft, delicate and sensual pastime savored slowly. Follow the lips of your partner and take things slowly and gently, allowing lips to brush and move so much so that they hardly touch. Kissing should make you shiver. Concentrate on the delicate corners of the mouth which are extremely sensitive and generally let the force guide you. As many woman will tell a man, kissing can be undertaken for hours and many women prefer kissing to anything else. It can be extremely sensual and sexual so don't ignore the technique.
I remember a date once telling me that she could never kiss passionately until she was sure the man was in love with her. She felt that 'proper' kissing was so explicit that it was inextricably linked to sex. If she began to kiss properly she wanted to go to bed. This tell us that kissing on dates means different things to different people. Don't expect too much at first, a kiss to some people means a great deal more to some than it may to you.
Sometimes dates will be shy and require encouragement to kiss so once you have had a few dates do take the initiative if you feel your date is being a little too shy and requires cajoling. The problem with that though is that many men are convinced they have misread the signals and dare not try and kiss in case they are wrong. This in turn can lead to a man appearing as lacking in confidence which can be critically bad. Take it from me guys, if you are on your third or fourth date and you haven't kissed but you are getting on great you may be better taking some small initiative.
Guys should also remember that kissing does not automatically lead to any other physical contact for some time, so be patient and take things slowly.
· Make sure you know how to kiss
· Ensure your hygiene is spot on
· Carry some gum if you need to freshen up
· Floss regularly
· Remember to kiss gently and sensitively
· Wait until you are ready to kiss and choose your moment
· Allow the passion of kissing to build up slowly
· Remember that a first kiss should be memorable
· Take the initiative if your partner is shy
· Learn the key body signals that demonstrate conclusively that your date wants to be kissed
· Remember that good kissing can be as sensual as sex
· Appreciate that some people do not liked to be kissed in public
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Thursday, 22 November 2007
ONLINE DATING
Internet online dating takes patience and practice and it's not always for the faint hearted. Just because you are seated at your own computer doesn't mean that single people will come to chat with you for no reason. No even in this medium of Internet dating, you must take the initiative and actively seek to contact those you like whilst ignoring those you do not. Many tens of thousands of people worldwide enter Internet dating sites everyday of the year, some are serious, some are not. Some want marriage, some seek sex, others simply wish for companionship. When accessing online dating, it is your task not only to represent yourself in the best possible light but also to speak to those who are of interest and discourage those who are not.
When using internet dating services you must learn to take responsibility for your actions, reply to messages, send well constructed opening greetings to single people you are attracted to and get the most for your money. Yes money, because the professional dating sites are not free. That is not quite true, some Internet dating agency sites are free, but they tend not be of the same quality as a professional ecommerce Internet dating agency. No, an Internet dating agency charges for a reason. Firstly it discourages the fly-by-nights and those who seek only to surf and be curious. Secondly online dating sites are expensive to run proficiently and therefore a premium rate membership is charged to allow for premium services for communication such as onsite email, instant messaging, chat rooms, articles and assistance. In other words, you get what you pay for, and that means instant access and sophisticated means of contacting other singles.
Who are the most successful single people who date online? Well, it depends on your view of success. If you mean who are the most popular, the busiest, those with the fullest diaries, even those who go on the most dates, well that's easy. They are the people who are kind and polite to everyone, always chatting, have a good friends' list, they frequently use email and messaging, they access the chat rooms and call their voicemail to get to know single people. In other words they are busy and confident and willing to use all the dating means of communication at their disposal. If you are shy and inexperienced it doesn't matter because we are here to help you.
If you want to get the best from your dating services membership, try to present the right image, get single people to interact with you by chatting daily, and become popular online by being friendly.
These basics may help you on one of the best ways of meeting people there is: • Obvious one - complete your dating profile fully. No, not partially! Fully! And accurately! There is nothing worse for a browsing member using dating services than spending their quality time opening your dating profile only to find your dating profile is full of Ask Me statements. Okay, it's cool that you may wish to discuss everything one-to-one and disclose nothing in advance, but you have to attract someone in the first place! Our dating members want to read about you! Today! You can start being enigmatic later. So let's start by providing something to chat about --- you! Would you go into a bar with a bag over your head? Exactly. Well an incomplete dating profile is a very similar start. So ....Be informative, be complete, be thorough,be of interest.
• When creating your own Personals ads on a singles web site, add a photograph or two or even four! Single Members with photos are likely to get up to 9 times more replies than members without any photo image attached to their dating profile. Why? Because people like to know who they are dealing with, especially when viewing dating Personals, and especially when they have already displayed their photo to you. Single people feel confident with, and possible attraction to, someone who is willing to show their face. After all, it's nice to know what your future partner looks like, right?! Okay, I know we aren't all photogenic models, but believe me; any photo is far better than none at all. Browsing Dating Personals is much more fun when viewing photos too.•
Now here is good dating advice. Add a nice photo. A photo of you. A smiling photo. A smiling photo up close. A recent smiling photo up close! Make sure your photos are recent (preferably less than 6 months old) and that you are happy. If they are not fairly recent then okay if you look the same. However if you have altered and you post old photos then you may be not only fooling others but also yourself. Sometimes single people think that using an old photo when Internet dating won't matter because in the end its personality that counts. That is true, but once again its not generally about looks, its about honesty.•
When using a singles web site, don't be aggressive or rude in your Internet dating profile. Take some good dating advice. It may be your sense of humour to be sarcastic or cutting, but it doesn't always come across best in anonymous text. Biting humour in the first instance will not usually attract the desired attention, even if it's meant to be amusing. That comes once you are chatting.•
You may have had a bad time with a previous partner, but making a list of specific criteria a future partner must meet usually has the effect of making people look elsewhere. Even if these available singles match! We all seek Mr. Right and Miss Right, but turning dating into a job interview for singles everywhere removes every ounce of romance and passion from the occasion. Lets have fun guys and not trade resumes! If you are searching for Mr Right, girls, then make sure you present yourself as their Miss Right. Mr. Right out there, are you listening...the same applies to you!•
If you wish to use swear words on a singles web site, then save them! The best dating advice I can give is - please don't use them here in your dating profile or conversations and emails. They are generally offensive and really do turn people off.•
When Internet dating, make your dating profile truthful above all things, but emphasize your best characteristics. Admitting that you are a loner who has no friends will not win you new friends usually. But emphasizing that you are a true individual with unique genuine properties, will. •
Don't manufacture the truth as this is one of the worst things about the reputation of Internet daters and Internet dating. We pride ourselves on having very honest genuine members who are keen to date and find their perfect partner. The key thing about the truth is that it always reveals itself in the end. So, even though you may think that not being entirely accurate about perhaps a small detail isn't too important (status or age or height or weight for example), the fact is that once the truth is revealed, generally your potential Mr Right or Miss Right WILL run away. Small things shouldn't matter and often don't, but misleading someone does!•
If you really feel passionate about something say so, don't try and hide the things that are important to you. If you love partying say so, if your religion is important to you, say so. Don't suppress or hide things that are part of who you are. Stand tall and proud. Singles dating online, and people in general even, often make the error of trying to be what they think the other person wants them to be. Pretending is a fool's game and it won't work.
• Chat to as many single people as possible via online dating sites and dating services using every method we offer, but also try to be realistic about time and commitment.. We have provided you with some amazing methods to communicate with, so give them a go. Frequently. A few emails once a quarter will not probably bring you life long happiness, though there is a chance. Like all things in life - the more you put in using Internet dating services, the more successful you will be.•
Do not pretend that you are willing to fly half way round the world to meet someone you have been chatting to when using online dating sites if you are not really serious. It's not fair on anyone including you. It's easy to get carried away with a lovely person seven thousand miles away, but are you really going to get out of that chair and go and meet them? If you are, you have our utmost support and respect. If you are really only looking for some one in your county or close to home then stick with that and make it clear.•
If available, use secure voicemail services to hear what single men and single women sound like. The sound of a voice is a powerful and very real experience. Perhaps try leaving someone a message. It's a good way of introducing yourself. But do plan your message in advance. Mumbling and stuttering down the phone with an unplanned message will not present a confident opening impression.•
Do use the Internet dating chat rooms to gain confidence, as they are totally anonymous and full of single women and single men like you. You can chat as part of a group, and when you feel some desire and interest or you simply feel more confident, try chatting to a person privately or one-to-one. Afterwards, why not email and send a message to introduce yourself more fully. All perfect relationships have to begin somewhere.•
Make use of your very own Internet dating friends' list, its there for you to build yourself your own special community of single men and single women you like; people you get on with, and people you can build a trusting friendship. And maybe more.•
Always try and reply to people's messages and reply in a reasonable amount of time, not weeks later. If you are serious about dating, you are serious about replying. They have taken the time to talk or write to you and they may be really nice. You cannot always tell from a few sentences or a grainy photo. Then again, maybe you can! But you can't always tell a great deal from a photograph so try not to appear rude. You may not be the perfect match, but they could introduce you to someone who is!•
Be patient, it takes time to find someone special when using online dating sites and dating services, like anywhere else for that matter. Using an Internet dating agency requires practise and commitment like anything else worth doing. After all, it's just that one special person that you wish to meet. Sometimes you need to chat to quite a few single people first via a good Internet dating agency. Unfortunately, that’s the world we live in. Take your time to complete your Internet dating agency profile, take your time to chat with many different people using different kinds of dating services available, and take your time to get to know someone well. Socialize and chat frequently and soon enough we truly believe you will be pleasantly surprised.• Think positive and keep thinking positive.
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Internet online dating takes patience and practice and it's not always for the faint hearted. Just because you are seated at your own computer doesn't mean that single people will come to chat with you for no reason. No even in this medium of Internet dating, you must take the initiative and actively seek to contact those you like whilst ignoring those you do not. Many tens of thousands of people worldwide enter Internet dating sites everyday of the year, some are serious, some are not. Some want marriage, some seek sex, others simply wish for companionship. When accessing online dating, it is your task not only to represent yourself in the best possible light but also to speak to those who are of interest and discourage those who are not.
When using internet dating services you must learn to take responsibility for your actions, reply to messages, send well constructed opening greetings to single people you are attracted to and get the most for your money. Yes money, because the professional dating sites are not free. That is not quite true, some Internet dating agency sites are free, but they tend not be of the same quality as a professional ecommerce Internet dating agency. No, an Internet dating agency charges for a reason. Firstly it discourages the fly-by-nights and those who seek only to surf and be curious. Secondly online dating sites are expensive to run proficiently and therefore a premium rate membership is charged to allow for premium services for communication such as onsite email, instant messaging, chat rooms, articles and assistance. In other words, you get what you pay for, and that means instant access and sophisticated means of contacting other singles.
Who are the most successful single people who date online? Well, it depends on your view of success. If you mean who are the most popular, the busiest, those with the fullest diaries, even those who go on the most dates, well that's easy. They are the people who are kind and polite to everyone, always chatting, have a good friends' list, they frequently use email and messaging, they access the chat rooms and call their voicemail to get to know single people. In other words they are busy and confident and willing to use all the dating means of communication at their disposal. If you are shy and inexperienced it doesn't matter because we are here to help you.
If you want to get the best from your dating services membership, try to present the right image, get single people to interact with you by chatting daily, and become popular online by being friendly.
These basics may help you on one of the best ways of meeting people there is: • Obvious one - complete your dating profile fully. No, not partially! Fully! And accurately! There is nothing worse for a browsing member using dating services than spending their quality time opening your dating profile only to find your dating profile is full of Ask Me statements. Okay, it's cool that you may wish to discuss everything one-to-one and disclose nothing in advance, but you have to attract someone in the first place! Our dating members want to read about you! Today! You can start being enigmatic later. So let's start by providing something to chat about --- you! Would you go into a bar with a bag over your head? Exactly. Well an incomplete dating profile is a very similar start. So ....Be informative, be complete, be thorough,be of interest.
• When creating your own Personals ads on a singles web site, add a photograph or two or even four! Single Members with photos are likely to get up to 9 times more replies than members without any photo image attached to their dating profile. Why? Because people like to know who they are dealing with, especially when viewing dating Personals, and especially when they have already displayed their photo to you. Single people feel confident with, and possible attraction to, someone who is willing to show their face. After all, it's nice to know what your future partner looks like, right?! Okay, I know we aren't all photogenic models, but believe me; any photo is far better than none at all. Browsing Dating Personals is much more fun when viewing photos too.•
Now here is good dating advice. Add a nice photo. A photo of you. A smiling photo. A smiling photo up close. A recent smiling photo up close! Make sure your photos are recent (preferably less than 6 months old) and that you are happy. If they are not fairly recent then okay if you look the same. However if you have altered and you post old photos then you may be not only fooling others but also yourself. Sometimes single people think that using an old photo when Internet dating won't matter because in the end its personality that counts. That is true, but once again its not generally about looks, its about honesty.•
When using a singles web site, don't be aggressive or rude in your Internet dating profile. Take some good dating advice. It may be your sense of humour to be sarcastic or cutting, but it doesn't always come across best in anonymous text. Biting humour in the first instance will not usually attract the desired attention, even if it's meant to be amusing. That comes once you are chatting.•
You may have had a bad time with a previous partner, but making a list of specific criteria a future partner must meet usually has the effect of making people look elsewhere. Even if these available singles match! We all seek Mr. Right and Miss Right, but turning dating into a job interview for singles everywhere removes every ounce of romance and passion from the occasion. Lets have fun guys and not trade resumes! If you are searching for Mr Right, girls, then make sure you present yourself as their Miss Right. Mr. Right out there, are you listening...the same applies to you!•
If you wish to use swear words on a singles web site, then save them! The best dating advice I can give is - please don't use them here in your dating profile or conversations and emails. They are generally offensive and really do turn people off.•
When Internet dating, make your dating profile truthful above all things, but emphasize your best characteristics. Admitting that you are a loner who has no friends will not win you new friends usually. But emphasizing that you are a true individual with unique genuine properties, will. •
Don't manufacture the truth as this is one of the worst things about the reputation of Internet daters and Internet dating. We pride ourselves on having very honest genuine members who are keen to date and find their perfect partner. The key thing about the truth is that it always reveals itself in the end. So, even though you may think that not being entirely accurate about perhaps a small detail isn't too important (status or age or height or weight for example), the fact is that once the truth is revealed, generally your potential Mr Right or Miss Right WILL run away. Small things shouldn't matter and often don't, but misleading someone does!•
If you really feel passionate about something say so, don't try and hide the things that are important to you. If you love partying say so, if your religion is important to you, say so. Don't suppress or hide things that are part of who you are. Stand tall and proud. Singles dating online, and people in general even, often make the error of trying to be what they think the other person wants them to be. Pretending is a fool's game and it won't work.
• Chat to as many single people as possible via online dating sites and dating services using every method we offer, but also try to be realistic about time and commitment.. We have provided you with some amazing methods to communicate with, so give them a go. Frequently. A few emails once a quarter will not probably bring you life long happiness, though there is a chance. Like all things in life - the more you put in using Internet dating services, the more successful you will be.•
Do not pretend that you are willing to fly half way round the world to meet someone you have been chatting to when using online dating sites if you are not really serious. It's not fair on anyone including you. It's easy to get carried away with a lovely person seven thousand miles away, but are you really going to get out of that chair and go and meet them? If you are, you have our utmost support and respect. If you are really only looking for some one in your county or close to home then stick with that and make it clear.•
If available, use secure voicemail services to hear what single men and single women sound like. The sound of a voice is a powerful and very real experience. Perhaps try leaving someone a message. It's a good way of introducing yourself. But do plan your message in advance. Mumbling and stuttering down the phone with an unplanned message will not present a confident opening impression.•
Do use the Internet dating chat rooms to gain confidence, as they are totally anonymous and full of single women and single men like you. You can chat as part of a group, and when you feel some desire and interest or you simply feel more confident, try chatting to a person privately or one-to-one. Afterwards, why not email and send a message to introduce yourself more fully. All perfect relationships have to begin somewhere.•
Make use of your very own Internet dating friends' list, its there for you to build yourself your own special community of single men and single women you like; people you get on with, and people you can build a trusting friendship. And maybe more.•
Always try and reply to people's messages and reply in a reasonable amount of time, not weeks later. If you are serious about dating, you are serious about replying. They have taken the time to talk or write to you and they may be really nice. You cannot always tell from a few sentences or a grainy photo. Then again, maybe you can! But you can't always tell a great deal from a photograph so try not to appear rude. You may not be the perfect match, but they could introduce you to someone who is!•
Be patient, it takes time to find someone special when using online dating sites and dating services, like anywhere else for that matter. Using an Internet dating agency requires practise and commitment like anything else worth doing. After all, it's just that one special person that you wish to meet. Sometimes you need to chat to quite a few single people first via a good Internet dating agency. Unfortunately, that’s the world we live in. Take your time to complete your Internet dating agency profile, take your time to chat with many different people using different kinds of dating services available, and take your time to get to know someone well. Socialize and chat frequently and soon enough we truly believe you will be pleasantly surprised.• Think positive and keep thinking positive.
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Wednesday, 21 November 2007
DATING CHAT UP LINES
The phrase "dating approach" means walking up to single men or single women you have never met and then speaking to them to introduce yourself romantically. In other words - chat-up lines. The opening words you may utter will speak volumes and volumes and volumes. In less than 10 seconds you will either have set yourself up for life, have a definite date, or be going home alone - again. Yes it that simple, or it can be. Psychologists tell us that people make their mind up within seconds and I think most of us who are truthful will agree that we know pretty much instantly if we are attracted to someone or not.
If that is the case why is speaking important at all? Well, although we may like the look of someone, these looks are confirmed and heavily underlined by their approach to us, their words, their voice and even their accent. Therefore, by initiating communication we form judgments very quickly. Another article speaks of the attraction of confidence. Well this most certainly plays a part. The more confidence you have in your dating approach, the more likely your chat up lines, whatever you say, maybe have some effect. However, let us be honest. Making an initial approach can be nerve wracking and spine tingling for many. Dry mouth, palpitations, a sudden stutter from nowhere, a blank mind, no idea what to say. Yes it’s all part of the dating game, but it is also all part of the problem.
Many of us will have heard the theory that many attractive men and attractive women are single and never approached because the assumption is that they are so attractive they must be attached. In which case no one talks to them! This in some cases is true but more often that not, whatever our level of looks, we like chatting to new people and it is more likely that most of us lack confidence or simply the verbal dexterity off the cuff to simply talk entertainingly to strangers. Yes, that is right we believe we should entertain when we begin our opening gambit.
It is often said that single women are attracted to single men who are witty and amusing. How often in personal ads do we see the request "must have a good sense of humor". A good comedic talent will always assist in the opening approach. However most single women in a small survey I undertook agree that the regular dating approach by single men works far better than trying to be this years entertainer. It is not what you say, but how you deliver it that really matters and even more amazingly, for many, chats up lines do work.
For some single people a chat up line is very stressful, like public speaking. They come across as aggressive and foolish simply because their anxiety levels are sky high. Under such stress, they simply clam up or are unable to communicate as they can for 99% of the rest of the time. This is where practice and confidence levels can help. The more single people you speak to and the more sociable you become, the better you will be. However a word of warning - do not mix chat up lines and lots of alcohol!
Rude and crude chat up lines do not work and never will but a simple request to buy a drink for someone will get a response in 5 out of ten single people. This is probably because single people prefer the direct and open handed approach. To break the ice, one clearly needs to use the tried and tested methods and not seek the realm of leading edge comedy. Single women use chat up lines as much as single men you may be surprised to hear and thinking back, I agree. A single woman's approach may be direct and honest but a chat up line is a chat up line. I think we can agree though, that should a single woman decide to use a carefully selected chat up line, she is likely to have more success than a single man in a similar situation.
To this end it may be useful looking at the good and bad chat up lines below to give you some ideas. You may think they are all bad, but at least some are amusing.
The Best Chat Up Lines:
Can I buy you a drink?
I have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven ?
If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put you and I together
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again
The Worst Chat Up Lines
Get your coat, you've pulled
How do you like your eggs? Fertilized?
Do you sleep on your front? Do you mind if I do.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Its just that I can see myself in your pants!
Are your legs hurting because you have been running through my mind all night
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The phrase "dating approach" means walking up to single men or single women you have never met and then speaking to them to introduce yourself romantically. In other words - chat-up lines. The opening words you may utter will speak volumes and volumes and volumes. In less than 10 seconds you will either have set yourself up for life, have a definite date, or be going home alone - again. Yes it that simple, or it can be. Psychologists tell us that people make their mind up within seconds and I think most of us who are truthful will agree that we know pretty much instantly if we are attracted to someone or not.
If that is the case why is speaking important at all? Well, although we may like the look of someone, these looks are confirmed and heavily underlined by their approach to us, their words, their voice and even their accent. Therefore, by initiating communication we form judgments very quickly. Another article speaks of the attraction of confidence. Well this most certainly plays a part. The more confidence you have in your dating approach, the more likely your chat up lines, whatever you say, maybe have some effect. However, let us be honest. Making an initial approach can be nerve wracking and spine tingling for many. Dry mouth, palpitations, a sudden stutter from nowhere, a blank mind, no idea what to say. Yes it’s all part of the dating game, but it is also all part of the problem.
Many of us will have heard the theory that many attractive men and attractive women are single and never approached because the assumption is that they are so attractive they must be attached. In which case no one talks to them! This in some cases is true but more often that not, whatever our level of looks, we like chatting to new people and it is more likely that most of us lack confidence or simply the verbal dexterity off the cuff to simply talk entertainingly to strangers. Yes, that is right we believe we should entertain when we begin our opening gambit.
It is often said that single women are attracted to single men who are witty and amusing. How often in personal ads do we see the request "must have a good sense of humor". A good comedic talent will always assist in the opening approach. However most single women in a small survey I undertook agree that the regular dating approach by single men works far better than trying to be this years entertainer. It is not what you say, but how you deliver it that really matters and even more amazingly, for many, chats up lines do work.
For some single people a chat up line is very stressful, like public speaking. They come across as aggressive and foolish simply because their anxiety levels are sky high. Under such stress, they simply clam up or are unable to communicate as they can for 99% of the rest of the time. This is where practice and confidence levels can help. The more single people you speak to and the more sociable you become, the better you will be. However a word of warning - do not mix chat up lines and lots of alcohol!
Rude and crude chat up lines do not work and never will but a simple request to buy a drink for someone will get a response in 5 out of ten single people. This is probably because single people prefer the direct and open handed approach. To break the ice, one clearly needs to use the tried and tested methods and not seek the realm of leading edge comedy. Single women use chat up lines as much as single men you may be surprised to hear and thinking back, I agree. A single woman's approach may be direct and honest but a chat up line is a chat up line. I think we can agree though, that should a single woman decide to use a carefully selected chat up line, she is likely to have more success than a single man in a similar situation.
To this end it may be useful looking at the good and bad chat up lines below to give you some ideas. You may think they are all bad, but at least some are amusing.
The Best Chat Up Lines:
Can I buy you a drink?
I have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven ?
If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put you and I together
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again
The Worst Chat Up Lines
Get your coat, you've pulled
How do you like your eggs? Fertilized?
Do you sleep on your front? Do you mind if I do.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Its just that I can see myself in your pants!
Are your legs hurting because you have been running through my mind all night
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Tuesday, 20 November 2007
FIRST LOVE
Are we searching for Miss. Right or Mr. Right or have we already met them before? Did your Mr. Right once exist in your former life? Were they childhood sweethearts?
First love isn’t a new topic but I realized that first love is an emotionally potent one. With this in mind I realized that first love must have a much greater effect on the way we handle our love lives that we perhaps want to admit. Until we first fall in love we are in effect emotional virgins.
True romance has yet to touch us. We assume we know a great deal about life already and we assume we feel the same way that everyone else does, but we do not. Only those who have been in love that first time know the world has far more to it than meets the eye. Like death of an adult or parent or someone we love we can never be prepared and first love for many of us is a happy experience tinged with lifelong sadness and oddly, an element of grief. Because unless we marry our childhood sweetheart, our very first Mr. Right and live happily ever after, most of us will go on from our first love to be single again and learn from the experience.
I am not speaking here of first dates, first kiss or first sex. I am speaking earnestly about one’s first true love, the person you first fall madly in love with and cannot live without. It could be a childhood sweetheart but it doesn't have to be. Childhood sweethearts have a huge influence though and mustn't be underestimated in the legacy they leave. However I accept here that childhood sweetheart is too specific. Personally speaking, I was always kind of jealous of those who had childhood sweethearts as that was how it was supposed to be.
First love is the first time we learn to deal with pangs of angst, stomach churning adoration, lust, love, anxiety, salty tears that know no end. It’s the first time you learn what a deep communication with another person out-with your immediate family can be like on both a spiritual and physical level. You cannot live without them, you feel alive like never before, you exist wholly for another human being. It is fantastic, it is unbelievable, it’s the best thing in the world and it becomes your life, she becomes your life, he becomes your life. And it ends. In an instant the best thing that ever happened to you …stops.
I may overplay this scenario and of course it doesn’t happen to everyone, but amazingly, most of us have had some kind of experience like this. If we haven’t then we will so be warned. I say this because this may just be the thing that governs who we are. For many of us, our first great love occurs sometime between 16 to 21 years of age when we are still young and fresh and optimistic and ready for life. In that moment we are most open to experience and we are also at our most vulnerable. In this moment we may love like we may never love again, at least for quite a while.
During that time of first true love we open up ourselves to everything that love can bring us, elation, defeat, passion, sincerity, communication and contact, all on levels we had never experienced before. Our minds store away every small detail as part of our vertical new learning in love and romance and we cannot get enough. But the issue is that it gets taken away. It may be we are making a wise decision, maybe it is we who decides too much too young. It may not be our choice and our eternally loved partner walks away leaving us with life long questions that may never be answered. But whatever happens and however the end of our first love occurs, it will and does leave a legacy whether we like it or not.
Okay I hear you ask, what legacy, or is my legacy the same as your legacy? Well no, we are all different. First love in many people often leaves us with lifelong happy memories that are tied in with other close friends, with college and school, with times and places and particularly summers. For others, first love is a series of memories of regret, bad decisions and choices from which they have learned and become stronger hopefully. For everyone who has grown older with the legacy of a first love, future dating decisions are often too closely related to that first true love experience.
The first legacy is often physical. We want to recapture the feelings of being with our first love, our childhood sweethearts, our Mr. Right or Miss Right, and the easiest way for our brains to do that is to find someone who looks like them. How often have you seen a friend with someone who looks like their first love. Amazingly when I thought about this there were quite a few people I knew who were dating the image of their childhood sweethearts. So we find comfort in being with someone who resembles our first love.
Next, we find that we are left with a legacy of the need to recreate a sense of love we have had time to heighten. What this really means is that if we have already experienced true love once, we want it again. Not a little, but the same or more even, just like the first time. Secretly, we crave it. Now this is a serious legacy from our past romance because what this really means is that we may not be satisfied by many relationships that come our way afterwards. Every time we date we want it to be like the first time, full of new experience, full of innocent love, with no preconditions. Yes we already now have preconditions because we have learned from our first love. We have set a base line for the presence of love.
Next this means that we will be tough in our romantic and dating decisions. Subconsciously we relate our first love to the perfect feeling of being in love and as such we crave it. We need and want love and that overwhelming wave of romance to be as powerful and magical as it was the first time and if it doesn’t come and come quickly, then the person we date will be penalized for this. We won’t want to date people who appear to be dissimilar to the person who showed us love; we avoid selecting people who don’t show such heightened potential in the early days of meeting. In other words, new dates are not reaching a perilously high love base line we have set and it may be that no one can. We want to date our childhood sweethearts a second time.
Next, the first love legacy means that we may punish those from who we don’t receive the same amazing love feelings by letting them go and continuing our search. In the end it can mean that we have set our sights so high that finding comparable love and happiness becomes difficult. Date after date we are looking for something we cannot find. I often here people say, “I don’t know what it is I am searching for but it’s inside me but I just can’t find it but I will know it when I see (feel) it”. In other words, they know what love feels like and want it again, but until it comes instantly they won’t accept, “I will not make do”, they say. And dating becomes difficult.
Of course what we forget is that our first love, our Mr. Right, is probably now some years older, a different person, maybe even looks different. That moment has gone now. It has been lost in time, and only lives on inside of us. I think it can be a good thing if we control it and let it be part of us but not take over. It governs some of the choices of who we are and who we wish to date, it guides and helps us in some ways because it clarifies what we know allows us to be happy. Even better is that it reminds us that true love can and does exist but that we are on a search to find it once again. To find true love in first love is an amazing thing and many say that to find that twice in a lifetime is impossible.
I disagree, I think as long as we accept that we must not try and recreate our first love, we are simply clear minded healthy people who know what we are about and are wise in knowing the experience of love, both good and bad. We should remember not to let this affect the potential of future even more powerful relationships than any that came before. Your Mr. Right, is somewhere waiting, just don't let him be the one in the past.
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Are we searching for Miss. Right or Mr. Right or have we already met them before? Did your Mr. Right once exist in your former life? Were they childhood sweethearts?
First love isn’t a new topic but I realized that first love is an emotionally potent one. With this in mind I realized that first love must have a much greater effect on the way we handle our love lives that we perhaps want to admit. Until we first fall in love we are in effect emotional virgins.
True romance has yet to touch us. We assume we know a great deal about life already and we assume we feel the same way that everyone else does, but we do not. Only those who have been in love that first time know the world has far more to it than meets the eye. Like death of an adult or parent or someone we love we can never be prepared and first love for many of us is a happy experience tinged with lifelong sadness and oddly, an element of grief. Because unless we marry our childhood sweetheart, our very first Mr. Right and live happily ever after, most of us will go on from our first love to be single again and learn from the experience.
I am not speaking here of first dates, first kiss or first sex. I am speaking earnestly about one’s first true love, the person you first fall madly in love with and cannot live without. It could be a childhood sweetheart but it doesn't have to be. Childhood sweethearts have a huge influence though and mustn't be underestimated in the legacy they leave. However I accept here that childhood sweetheart is too specific. Personally speaking, I was always kind of jealous of those who had childhood sweethearts as that was how it was supposed to be.
First love is the first time we learn to deal with pangs of angst, stomach churning adoration, lust, love, anxiety, salty tears that know no end. It’s the first time you learn what a deep communication with another person out-with your immediate family can be like on both a spiritual and physical level. You cannot live without them, you feel alive like never before, you exist wholly for another human being. It is fantastic, it is unbelievable, it’s the best thing in the world and it becomes your life, she becomes your life, he becomes your life. And it ends. In an instant the best thing that ever happened to you …stops.
I may overplay this scenario and of course it doesn’t happen to everyone, but amazingly, most of us have had some kind of experience like this. If we haven’t then we will so be warned. I say this because this may just be the thing that governs who we are. For many of us, our first great love occurs sometime between 16 to 21 years of age when we are still young and fresh and optimistic and ready for life. In that moment we are most open to experience and we are also at our most vulnerable. In this moment we may love like we may never love again, at least for quite a while.
During that time of first true love we open up ourselves to everything that love can bring us, elation, defeat, passion, sincerity, communication and contact, all on levels we had never experienced before. Our minds store away every small detail as part of our vertical new learning in love and romance and we cannot get enough. But the issue is that it gets taken away. It may be we are making a wise decision, maybe it is we who decides too much too young. It may not be our choice and our eternally loved partner walks away leaving us with life long questions that may never be answered. But whatever happens and however the end of our first love occurs, it will and does leave a legacy whether we like it or not.
Okay I hear you ask, what legacy, or is my legacy the same as your legacy? Well no, we are all different. First love in many people often leaves us with lifelong happy memories that are tied in with other close friends, with college and school, with times and places and particularly summers. For others, first love is a series of memories of regret, bad decisions and choices from which they have learned and become stronger hopefully. For everyone who has grown older with the legacy of a first love, future dating decisions are often too closely related to that first true love experience.
The first legacy is often physical. We want to recapture the feelings of being with our first love, our childhood sweethearts, our Mr. Right or Miss Right, and the easiest way for our brains to do that is to find someone who looks like them. How often have you seen a friend with someone who looks like their first love. Amazingly when I thought about this there were quite a few people I knew who were dating the image of their childhood sweethearts. So we find comfort in being with someone who resembles our first love.
Next, we find that we are left with a legacy of the need to recreate a sense of love we have had time to heighten. What this really means is that if we have already experienced true love once, we want it again. Not a little, but the same or more even, just like the first time. Secretly, we crave it. Now this is a serious legacy from our past romance because what this really means is that we may not be satisfied by many relationships that come our way afterwards. Every time we date we want it to be like the first time, full of new experience, full of innocent love, with no preconditions. Yes we already now have preconditions because we have learned from our first love. We have set a base line for the presence of love.
Next this means that we will be tough in our romantic and dating decisions. Subconsciously we relate our first love to the perfect feeling of being in love and as such we crave it. We need and want love and that overwhelming wave of romance to be as powerful and magical as it was the first time and if it doesn’t come and come quickly, then the person we date will be penalized for this. We won’t want to date people who appear to be dissimilar to the person who showed us love; we avoid selecting people who don’t show such heightened potential in the early days of meeting. In other words, new dates are not reaching a perilously high love base line we have set and it may be that no one can. We want to date our childhood sweethearts a second time.
Next, the first love legacy means that we may punish those from who we don’t receive the same amazing love feelings by letting them go and continuing our search. In the end it can mean that we have set our sights so high that finding comparable love and happiness becomes difficult. Date after date we are looking for something we cannot find. I often here people say, “I don’t know what it is I am searching for but it’s inside me but I just can’t find it but I will know it when I see (feel) it”. In other words, they know what love feels like and want it again, but until it comes instantly they won’t accept, “I will not make do”, they say. And dating becomes difficult.
Of course what we forget is that our first love, our Mr. Right, is probably now some years older, a different person, maybe even looks different. That moment has gone now. It has been lost in time, and only lives on inside of us. I think it can be a good thing if we control it and let it be part of us but not take over. It governs some of the choices of who we are and who we wish to date, it guides and helps us in some ways because it clarifies what we know allows us to be happy. Even better is that it reminds us that true love can and does exist but that we are on a search to find it once again. To find true love in first love is an amazing thing and many say that to find that twice in a lifetime is impossible.
I disagree, I think as long as we accept that we must not try and recreate our first love, we are simply clear minded healthy people who know what we are about and are wise in knowing the experience of love, both good and bad. We should remember not to let this affect the potential of future even more powerful relationships than any that came before. Your Mr. Right, is somewhere waiting, just don't let him be the one in the past.
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