ROMANTIC DATING MEMORIES
Romantic Dating memories about our romantic lives are important to all of us. I worked out once that in my adult life I had actually been single 14.5 years out of my first 20 adult years. It never actually felt like that but when I added up the time that I had really been with people in a proper sexual relationship, it was 6.5 years in 20 that I hadn't been single. I am sure some people who have been married for 20 years could say the same thing. I always believed that it was better to be alone, than lonely within a relationship and I think that kept me grounded.
To be sure, I had had some great relationships beginning when I was 17 or 18 and occurring intermittently through my 20's and 30's and none of them I regretted (well maybe one more recently). I had always felt like relationships were easy to begin if I wanted and dates were never very hard to find if I made the effort. So really I look back on my teenage years, my twenties and my thirties as busy decades of dating and relating. After adding up the figures above I was amazed therefore to find out just how long I have been single. So why do I think that I have not been single so much?
Well the answer lies in my romantic memories and how I use them. If one has had some nice relationship experiences then they can sustain you for years afterwards. They are like love-food that helps keep you stable and hopeful. The memory of nice times in relationships is something that can be drawn on and reused over and over again. I rarely relate to how my relationships ended, though I do remember how. But during solitary spells in my life I have found that thinking back to when I was together with a certain person provides an underlying strength of character.
Romantic memories are crucial for single people because they re-enforce belief and a sense of optimism. Often I am asked if I believe in love at first sight or true love or Mr. Right or the perfect mate and I do. I do because I am a dreamer. I do because it makes the world a better and nicer place to be. I do because I choose to believe that relationships can be solid and stable and trusting and warm and comfortable as well as sexy, passionate and dramatic. Without romantic memories we have little to work on which we can relate to. We need our own sense of perspective when moving forwards and we do this by relating to our past emotional experiences.
Romantic memories can be a double edged sword because over the years they allow us to overanalyze past relationships and emotional situations. It is best to accept that we did what we did due to the best of our knowledge at the time. If a relationship ended badly let it go. If it was your fault, learn and grow from your mistakes and move on. If you were at the receiving end you may still be fighting for answers even years later and it often stunts our emotional development. Again the key ingredient is to try and learn and move on and perhaps form your own answers if there are none available. But bad memories must be put to rest before we are ready for new relationships.
My own romantic memories have proven a fountain of wealth over my singe years. The earliest innocent relationships remind me of the purity of being in love and being able to grow with another person. Later romantic memories allow me to understand how relationships can grow and build in a more mature sense. I never compare any relationships I have had as each must be remembered as being unique. But I can find great comfort and happiness in knowing how things can be between two people.
I find that thinking about romantic memories allows me to relax, it allows me to think of positive ideas on new dates, it allows me to not repeat mistakes and it allows me a sense of positivity and success. When you have been single for a while it is easy to think that you will never find anyone. By thinking back to romantic good-ties you should be able to reaffirm that you are a winner in romance and that you do have what it takes and that you must be patient.
Romantic memories allow us to be specific about what we are looking for in the future and what basics must be included in future partner characteristics. For example, after dating quite a few girls, I know what kind of character suits me best. I have learned how to compromise along the way, how the physical attraction is heightened exponentially by mental attraction and how being with someone in the longer term, is what life is all about.
Being single isn't great. The only people who tell you it is are people aged 18 or people who are in bad relationships and want to get out. Yes the grass is always greener. The problem with being single is that is is essentially a lonely state of play. You have companionship through friends but you do hope of meeting someone special to share everything with. Let's speak plainly, it is natural to want to be with someone.
The point of this short article is to stress that romantic memories are a source of strength for single people. There is absolutely no harm in looking back at previous relationships and finding sources of inspiration within. I can easily argue that we are who we have dated. The person who stands in front of the mirror today is as much the person who has dated certain people, as the food they have eaten. I think that if you are single today then try looking back on the relationships you have had to see if there are things there that can be useful as sources of optimism and fuel for the future.
If you have had mainly bad times then your memories are not romantic so ditch them and get rid of them. There is no use in looking back at what might have been. Romantic memories are only useful where they confirm a sense of love and understanding that currently you don't have. The previous relationships are over, but the memories of good times will do a lot for you to drive you through to achieving romantic success in future.
Positive thoughts:
· Remember the good times and work out what you learned
· Remember what it felt like to be in love
· Think of the lessons you have learned from your relationships
· Decide what you like and what you don't from these memories
· Realize that there is nothing wrong to use past relationships as a basis for positive energy
· Learn to look forward from the past
· Forget trying to mentally fix past relationships - they're over
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Thursday, 31 January 2008
Wednesday, 30 January 2008
SINGLE AND 30
Being ThirtySomething is rapidly becoming the crux age for many of us. It's the time when we have matured and have woken up one morning to understand finally who we are and what we are about. We generally have some idea of direction at this age and it is a time for choices and crossroads. Life may have begun at 40 in times gone by but these days your 30th birthday is the age to sit up and take note. It is a time for reflection and self analysis, for checking how we are doing with our ambitions, and coming to terms with the fact that we are passing into a more mature age group - like it or not. I am not suggesting that becoming 30 means getting older or changing our lives but there are few of us who doubt it is not a time when we start to think - think a lot.
Now dating is heavily related to this ThirtySomethings age group because now that careers have been sorted out and a salary is coming in regularly it has dawned on us that we better get a partner to share some of these things with. For women, it may be a time when children become dauntingly high on their list of priorities and the hunt is on for a suitable parent and father. It may not yet be a time for frantic panic but its not far away. We will not get steadily older and whilst some of us will get better with age, most of us start to look a little ragged round the edges so we need to secure the best dating options whilst we still can
Being ThirtySomething means having more time and money to date properly, to make decisive choices about who, where and what you want to date and to learn from past dating mistakes. By now most of us will have at least on important relationships in the bag though some of us will not yet have fallen in love. We have strong friendships and plenty of shared practical experience in the ways of the heart. But all is not well, dating as you get older becomes increasingly frustrating and tiring. Your base levels for a perfect match have increased and you are becoming increasingly selective. You are tired of meeting jerks and timewasters and people who simply don't match with you, people out for sex and anything they can get.
The other major thing to add is that dating for ThirtySomethings is higher risk. Time is moving on, you don't want to waste more years in another failed relationship so you become determined to get it right so you become more cautious and careful. You are aware of divorce law, so you are also aware that you can meet the wrong person and they could take half of what you worked so hard to achieve. You have become cautious in your old age.
Dating fatigue has set in if you have been single for some time and you feel increasingly frustrated that you will not meet the right person. There is a tiny dread in the back of your mind that it may not be possible to meet Mr. or Miss Right because just maybe they don't exist. Increasingly you may come across unparalleled shallowness, in both sexes. Men can lose their hair in their thirties and women can age in different ways. Suddenly you won't do because you are thin on top or maybe your bosom isn't as pert as it was 10 years ago. You discover that that search for a soul mate may well be bull and that if you are George Clooney or Jennifer Aniston you will always do nicely.
The next issue to hit ThirtySomethings when dating is where to date. In your twenties you were are trance and rave clubs until 3am, or in bars with friends dancing until all hours and still able to be fresh in the office for 8.30am. Now you are 35, it isn't so easy to burn the candle at both ends. You need your sleep, you may not feel comfortable in places surrounded by people a decade younger so you may seek out solace in newer places. It is true that the cafe bar society has grown out of a wealthy ThirtySomething dating society and we can be thankful, but places to date are still not as easy to come by. It seems that clubs for ThirtySomethings are a little forced, and too directed to in your face dating. In other words, subtlety of the dating ritual has been lost, you are being checked out from the moment you enter the room.
Another issue that crops up with dating and ThirtySomethings is the age group we should date. Should we go for younger people, let us say aged 25 upwards, or maybe we like the more mature man or woman, let us say over 40. This really is an issue. It is an issue if we are still wanting children. In our thirties the people we may meet could already have a child or be separated or divorced and don't want another child. Or they may be actively seeking to have a child. If you are a woman you may be looking for a man who will make a good father. If you are a man you may be looking for a woman of child bearing age and therefore may not consider a woman over 40. This is the dilemma. Age starts to become a factor. It is possible you will feel you don't have much in common with someone aged 21 but do find them attractive, on the other hand you may find yourself drawn to the more mature aspects of an older man or woman. You can go in both directions at this age as you straddle the age gap.
The people we meet of our own age gap now have stories to tell, they may have baggage or they may have lost of baggage. We all have some kind of emotional dross we carry with us but in this age group it becomes very relevant. Do we want to meet people who already have a child by someone else, could we cope with children who aren't ours? There are a great many people on the rebound who have just spent years in relationships that didn't end. They could have had a 12 year marriage and be 31 and divorced and vowing never to get married again. Therefore, the people we meet as ThirtySomethings are far more complex than before.
The purpose of this article is not to provide answers but to acknowledge that being ThirtySomething is a very difficult age for dating and to recognize some of the factors that we are all sharing. I for one am 37 and never married so I know this subject well. We will carry on dating with renewed optimism but let us not forget that there are millions of people just like us, all looking for our perfect partner whilst coping with the issues stated.
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Being ThirtySomething is rapidly becoming the crux age for many of us. It's the time when we have matured and have woken up one morning to understand finally who we are and what we are about. We generally have some idea of direction at this age and it is a time for choices and crossroads. Life may have begun at 40 in times gone by but these days your 30th birthday is the age to sit up and take note. It is a time for reflection and self analysis, for checking how we are doing with our ambitions, and coming to terms with the fact that we are passing into a more mature age group - like it or not. I am not suggesting that becoming 30 means getting older or changing our lives but there are few of us who doubt it is not a time when we start to think - think a lot.
Now dating is heavily related to this ThirtySomethings age group because now that careers have been sorted out and a salary is coming in regularly it has dawned on us that we better get a partner to share some of these things with. For women, it may be a time when children become dauntingly high on their list of priorities and the hunt is on for a suitable parent and father. It may not yet be a time for frantic panic but its not far away. We will not get steadily older and whilst some of us will get better with age, most of us start to look a little ragged round the edges so we need to secure the best dating options whilst we still can
Being ThirtySomething means having more time and money to date properly, to make decisive choices about who, where and what you want to date and to learn from past dating mistakes. By now most of us will have at least on important relationships in the bag though some of us will not yet have fallen in love. We have strong friendships and plenty of shared practical experience in the ways of the heart. But all is not well, dating as you get older becomes increasingly frustrating and tiring. Your base levels for a perfect match have increased and you are becoming increasingly selective. You are tired of meeting jerks and timewasters and people who simply don't match with you, people out for sex and anything they can get.
The other major thing to add is that dating for ThirtySomethings is higher risk. Time is moving on, you don't want to waste more years in another failed relationship so you become determined to get it right so you become more cautious and careful. You are aware of divorce law, so you are also aware that you can meet the wrong person and they could take half of what you worked so hard to achieve. You have become cautious in your old age.
Dating fatigue has set in if you have been single for some time and you feel increasingly frustrated that you will not meet the right person. There is a tiny dread in the back of your mind that it may not be possible to meet Mr. or Miss Right because just maybe they don't exist. Increasingly you may come across unparalleled shallowness, in both sexes. Men can lose their hair in their thirties and women can age in different ways. Suddenly you won't do because you are thin on top or maybe your bosom isn't as pert as it was 10 years ago. You discover that that search for a soul mate may well be bull and that if you are George Clooney or Jennifer Aniston you will always do nicely.
The next issue to hit ThirtySomethings when dating is where to date. In your twenties you were are trance and rave clubs until 3am, or in bars with friends dancing until all hours and still able to be fresh in the office for 8.30am. Now you are 35, it isn't so easy to burn the candle at both ends. You need your sleep, you may not feel comfortable in places surrounded by people a decade younger so you may seek out solace in newer places. It is true that the cafe bar society has grown out of a wealthy ThirtySomething dating society and we can be thankful, but places to date are still not as easy to come by. It seems that clubs for ThirtySomethings are a little forced, and too directed to in your face dating. In other words, subtlety of the dating ritual has been lost, you are being checked out from the moment you enter the room.
Another issue that crops up with dating and ThirtySomethings is the age group we should date. Should we go for younger people, let us say aged 25 upwards, or maybe we like the more mature man or woman, let us say over 40. This really is an issue. It is an issue if we are still wanting children. In our thirties the people we may meet could already have a child or be separated or divorced and don't want another child. Or they may be actively seeking to have a child. If you are a woman you may be looking for a man who will make a good father. If you are a man you may be looking for a woman of child bearing age and therefore may not consider a woman over 40. This is the dilemma. Age starts to become a factor. It is possible you will feel you don't have much in common with someone aged 21 but do find them attractive, on the other hand you may find yourself drawn to the more mature aspects of an older man or woman. You can go in both directions at this age as you straddle the age gap.
The people we meet of our own age gap now have stories to tell, they may have baggage or they may have lost of baggage. We all have some kind of emotional dross we carry with us but in this age group it becomes very relevant. Do we want to meet people who already have a child by someone else, could we cope with children who aren't ours? There are a great many people on the rebound who have just spent years in relationships that didn't end. They could have had a 12 year marriage and be 31 and divorced and vowing never to get married again. Therefore, the people we meet as ThirtySomethings are far more complex than before.
The purpose of this article is not to provide answers but to acknowledge that being ThirtySomething is a very difficult age for dating and to recognize some of the factors that we are all sharing. I for one am 37 and never married so I know this subject well. We will carry on dating with renewed optimism but let us not forget that there are millions of people just like us, all looking for our perfect partner whilst coping with the issues stated.
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Tuesday, 29 January 2008
DATING RULES FOR WOMEN
Guys, if you don't like this, tough - look away now.
Women have some general rules that they should content with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published recently in the USA that sets out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or woman). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile but the fact is when we grow up there are a predefined set of dating rules. All that happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21 and then find we need to relearn them.
I wish there weren't any general rules and we just got on with it but courtship is a ritual; there are things that we make happen that excite stimulate, create interest, confound etc. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together then the chances of long term happiness may be reduced. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work too interestingly.
In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date there are things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game then there are rules to that game and winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge so feel free to adapt rule and add them as you feel inclined.
You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.
General Dating Rules
· Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick and wearing rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage, you are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
· Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
· Keep dates brief but your men interested. Less is always more.
· Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
· Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
· Ensure you receive flowers, if he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
· Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
· Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
· Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
· If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
· Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
· Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
· Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practise on a mirror if you have to.
· Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only.
· Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking
· If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
· If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump him
· Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
· Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember.
· If the guy in the corner is gorgeous go and get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
· You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
· If you are wanting a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
· Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
Online Dating Rules
· Always let them come to you, don't chase via email
· Block anyone who annoys you instantly
· Place the best & most vampish photo up you can find
· Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines
· Remain aloof and let yourself be chased
· Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt
· Never provide you true email or phone details to the man
· Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn
· Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy as well as enigmatic
· Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best
· Do not assume the man you are talking to is destitute or sad
· Never ever reply to emails at weekends, wait until a weekday
· Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile
· If you don't want to date married men spell it out in your profile
· A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored
· Make sure your humour levels come across in text
· Do not chat to hundreds of men at once, the delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
· Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
· Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results
Always remember ladies that you are a sexy desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always let yourself be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date.
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Guys, if you don't like this, tough - look away now.
Women have some general rules that they should content with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published recently in the USA that sets out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or woman). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile but the fact is when we grow up there are a predefined set of dating rules. All that happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21 and then find we need to relearn them.
I wish there weren't any general rules and we just got on with it but courtship is a ritual; there are things that we make happen that excite stimulate, create interest, confound etc. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together then the chances of long term happiness may be reduced. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work too interestingly.
In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date there are things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game then there are rules to that game and winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge so feel free to adapt rule and add them as you feel inclined.
You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.
General Dating Rules
· Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick and wearing rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage, you are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
· Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
· Keep dates brief but your men interested. Less is always more.
· Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
· Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
· Ensure you receive flowers, if he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
· Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
· Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
· Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
· If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
· Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
· Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
· Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practise on a mirror if you have to.
· Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only.
· Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking
· If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
· If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump him
· Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
· Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember.
· If the guy in the corner is gorgeous go and get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
· You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
· If you are wanting a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
· Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
Online Dating Rules
· Always let them come to you, don't chase via email
· Block anyone who annoys you instantly
· Place the best & most vampish photo up you can find
· Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines
· Remain aloof and let yourself be chased
· Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt
· Never provide you true email or phone details to the man
· Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn
· Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy as well as enigmatic
· Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best
· Do not assume the man you are talking to is destitute or sad
· Never ever reply to emails at weekends, wait until a weekday
· Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile
· If you don't want to date married men spell it out in your profile
· A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored
· Make sure your humour levels come across in text
· Do not chat to hundreds of men at once, the delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
· Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
· Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results
Always remember ladies that you are a sexy desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always let yourself be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date.
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Monday, 28 January 2008
ESSENTIAL TOP DATING TIPS
I thought I would bring you the key dating tips I have gathered along the way in the hope of assisting and enlightening those who need assistance. If you are new to the dating scene, a regular or just simply someone trying to meet someone new there should always be time for top dating tips, advice, information and things to consider. None of us are dating experts otherwise we would have a magic formula to present to others. And no, looks are not the magic formula otherwise all supermodels would be blissfully happy - which they are not my friend. Good looking people the world over struggle when it comes to affairs of the heart. Think of all the major figures in history who have fallen in matters of romance.
The truth is, there are no magic formulas, no perfect tricks of the trade, no cunning ways of trapping Mr.Right or Miss Right and no top dating tips that wave a magic wand. But there are some essential facts that you should always bear in mind along the way. Dating tips are just that - tips, they are not promises written in stone and different things will always work differently for different people. However, I have noticed that there are some threads of advice that keep cropping up and therefore it is worth reiterating them here.
TOP DATING TIPS
· PREPARE FOR DATING. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, decide who you are looking for, do your research and be ready to commit to dating. Half heartedness won't work. Also prepare for some let downs along the way but don't take dating too seriously either.
· GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself.
· GO SHOPPING. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don't go overboard and look like someone you are not but maybe its time to throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. People appreciate appearance.
· GET DATING GOALS. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don't take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.
· GET CONFIDENT. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Do all the things that will boost your confidence from avoiding negative friends (often the married ones) to attending the right kind of social functions. Couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now.
· AIM RIGHT. Set your level, don't aim low but do aim realistically. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous then good for you, but be prepared and be realistic about your chances.
· JOIN THINGS. Work out in advance where in your neighborhood you are likely to meet people and join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups, anything where you are likely to meet potential partners. The kind of partners you are looking for. I know its a cliché but you will not meet people by staying indoors.
· HAVE A REST. Take time off from dating occasionally if its not going well or causing dating fatigue. Dating is an ongoing process and so recharging the batteries and keeping the confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. So date in phases if necessary.
· ENJOY IT. Dating is fun. Dating is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not bring you a sparkle. The fact is, most people are interesting and whilst you may not be out there looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.
· DON’T BE TOO AVAILABLE. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. In keeping with this do not sleep with your dates early on if you want them to progress, so keep sex until later. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. Peak too early and you have little left to offer and emotions may never have had the time to develop.
· START INTERNET DATING. Take your time and check your mail occasionally. Even if you never date online at least it will boost your confidence and spirits and allow you to practise your opening lines and chat up skills. Internet dating is fun and secure and introduces you to the world of dating safely and gently.
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I thought I would bring you the key dating tips I have gathered along the way in the hope of assisting and enlightening those who need assistance. If you are new to the dating scene, a regular or just simply someone trying to meet someone new there should always be time for top dating tips, advice, information and things to consider. None of us are dating experts otherwise we would have a magic formula to present to others. And no, looks are not the magic formula otherwise all supermodels would be blissfully happy - which they are not my friend. Good looking people the world over struggle when it comes to affairs of the heart. Think of all the major figures in history who have fallen in matters of romance.
The truth is, there are no magic formulas, no perfect tricks of the trade, no cunning ways of trapping Mr.Right or Miss Right and no top dating tips that wave a magic wand. But there are some essential facts that you should always bear in mind along the way. Dating tips are just that - tips, they are not promises written in stone and different things will always work differently for different people. However, I have noticed that there are some threads of advice that keep cropping up and therefore it is worth reiterating them here.
TOP DATING TIPS
· PREPARE FOR DATING. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, decide who you are looking for, do your research and be ready to commit to dating. Half heartedness won't work. Also prepare for some let downs along the way but don't take dating too seriously either.
· GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself.
· GO SHOPPING. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don't go overboard and look like someone you are not but maybe its time to throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. People appreciate appearance.
· GET DATING GOALS. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don't take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.
· GET CONFIDENT. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Do all the things that will boost your confidence from avoiding negative friends (often the married ones) to attending the right kind of social functions. Couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now.
· AIM RIGHT. Set your level, don't aim low but do aim realistically. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous then good for you, but be prepared and be realistic about your chances.
· JOIN THINGS. Work out in advance where in your neighborhood you are likely to meet people and join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups, anything where you are likely to meet potential partners. The kind of partners you are looking for. I know its a cliché but you will not meet people by staying indoors.
· HAVE A REST. Take time off from dating occasionally if its not going well or causing dating fatigue. Dating is an ongoing process and so recharging the batteries and keeping the confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. So date in phases if necessary.
· ENJOY IT. Dating is fun. Dating is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not bring you a sparkle. The fact is, most people are interesting and whilst you may not be out there looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.
· DON’T BE TOO AVAILABLE. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. In keeping with this do not sleep with your dates early on if you want them to progress, so keep sex until later. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. Peak too early and you have little left to offer and emotions may never have had the time to develop.
· START INTERNET DATING. Take your time and check your mail occasionally. Even if you never date online at least it will boost your confidence and spirits and allow you to practise your opening lines and chat up skills. Internet dating is fun and secure and introduces you to the world of dating safely and gently.
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Sunday, 27 January 2008
ARE YOU TOO AVAILABLE?
Here is a truth, most single people are too available. Far too available when dating. Think about the things you aspire to, good clothes, expensive Italian car perhaps, Tiffany jewelry, Rolex watches, a 100 foot yacht. Whatever. The fact is the things we most want or desire in life are often the least accessible. Things are seen to be worthwhile because they are rare. Rarity is the key ingredient here. The less we can get hold of something, the more we want it after the initial need or feeling of desire is created.
The unobtainable is oh so sweet, from the catwalk supermodel to Brad Pitt, we can dream but we cannot have. And that, my single friends is the point of this article. When you date stop being so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stop being available 24 hours a day and start being elusive. Why? For the reasons I have just said. Create the need and then remove it and the desire factors go through the roof.
The problem with following this brief piece of advice is that it is extremely difficult for mere single mortals to do. When we meet singles we really like we stop playing games, we want to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, our waking hours are devoted to our next date. The problem is, our date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can set in. Worse, by being too available we cheapen our own attractiveness, we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less desirable.
So what we need to do is train our single selves to be enigmatic and elusive and stop being so available. A single friend of mine worked in a bar in Manchester and was always attracting single girls but he never appeared to get anywhere after the first couple of dates. He is a lovely single guy and probably one of the most reliable single men I have ever met. He wanted to know why single women seemed to lose interest in him and stopped calling for dates so we performed an experiment. He was asked not to call the single women he dated, maybe once but after that let the women chase. They would leave messages, he didn't reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would pop into the bar to see him but he never offered to make new arrangements first. He maintained their interest levels and very soon he discovered that the single girls were now chasing him! The point here was that he had become elusive, he had an air of mystery now, was someone the single girls wanted to get to know. He was a challenge.
It has happened to me on numerous occasions that I have let myself become too available. I had to learn the hard way. I met a beautiful single girl whilst working in London and it appeared to be perfect from the moment we met, so much so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent almost two full weeks together. Then all of a sudden it stopped. And she wanted to call things off. The fact was that I had become too available for her, I was there whenever she wanted, I had altered my routine too soon, too quickly and too much for things to work out. Of course I was available for all the right reasons but it had completely the wrong effect. I lost the single girl.
So when you meet someone you like, by all means get started down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your regular schedule and don't be available every day. If you are free both days of the weekend, one is for you, one is for your date. If you are free Tuesday and Thursday for dinner, let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Tuesday, you suggest Thursday. Don't call so frequently (which is extremely hard to do) and don't always answer your phone (yes really) and make sure that you can bring plenty of separate activity information back to your date when you do meet up.
For all the crazy forced separation, the dates you will have will be all the more spectacular. For many of you reading this you will think I am crazy or have misgivings about trying to do this and I bet that many of you won't listen when you meet the single person you are crazy about. The fact is, the less available you are to a degree, the more likely you will succeed in getting your Mr. Right or Miss.Right. Create the demand, become the diamond and then become as difficult top jewelers to get into, but sustain the desire factor - that's the way it works.
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Here is a truth, most single people are too available. Far too available when dating. Think about the things you aspire to, good clothes, expensive Italian car perhaps, Tiffany jewelry, Rolex watches, a 100 foot yacht. Whatever. The fact is the things we most want or desire in life are often the least accessible. Things are seen to be worthwhile because they are rare. Rarity is the key ingredient here. The less we can get hold of something, the more we want it after the initial need or feeling of desire is created.
The unobtainable is oh so sweet, from the catwalk supermodel to Brad Pitt, we can dream but we cannot have. And that, my single friends is the point of this article. When you date stop being so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stop being available 24 hours a day and start being elusive. Why? For the reasons I have just said. Create the need and then remove it and the desire factors go through the roof.
The problem with following this brief piece of advice is that it is extremely difficult for mere single mortals to do. When we meet singles we really like we stop playing games, we want to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, our waking hours are devoted to our next date. The problem is, our date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can set in. Worse, by being too available we cheapen our own attractiveness, we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less desirable.
So what we need to do is train our single selves to be enigmatic and elusive and stop being so available. A single friend of mine worked in a bar in Manchester and was always attracting single girls but he never appeared to get anywhere after the first couple of dates. He is a lovely single guy and probably one of the most reliable single men I have ever met. He wanted to know why single women seemed to lose interest in him and stopped calling for dates so we performed an experiment. He was asked not to call the single women he dated, maybe once but after that let the women chase. They would leave messages, he didn't reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would pop into the bar to see him but he never offered to make new arrangements first. He maintained their interest levels and very soon he discovered that the single girls were now chasing him! The point here was that he had become elusive, he had an air of mystery now, was someone the single girls wanted to get to know. He was a challenge.
It has happened to me on numerous occasions that I have let myself become too available. I had to learn the hard way. I met a beautiful single girl whilst working in London and it appeared to be perfect from the moment we met, so much so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent almost two full weeks together. Then all of a sudden it stopped. And she wanted to call things off. The fact was that I had become too available for her, I was there whenever she wanted, I had altered my routine too soon, too quickly and too much for things to work out. Of course I was available for all the right reasons but it had completely the wrong effect. I lost the single girl.
So when you meet someone you like, by all means get started down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your regular schedule and don't be available every day. If you are free both days of the weekend, one is for you, one is for your date. If you are free Tuesday and Thursday for dinner, let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Tuesday, you suggest Thursday. Don't call so frequently (which is extremely hard to do) and don't always answer your phone (yes really) and make sure that you can bring plenty of separate activity information back to your date when you do meet up.
For all the crazy forced separation, the dates you will have will be all the more spectacular. For many of you reading this you will think I am crazy or have misgivings about trying to do this and I bet that many of you won't listen when you meet the single person you are crazy about. The fact is, the less available you are to a degree, the more likely you will succeed in getting your Mr. Right or Miss.Right. Create the demand, become the diamond and then become as difficult top jewelers to get into, but sustain the desire factor - that's the way it works.
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Thursday, 24 January 2008
DATE TO MAKE FRIENDS
Dating is one of the best friend finders there is. I read recently some advice from an elder statesman who said that we should all try and make one new friend every five years. What excellent advice. When we are very young we collect friends like sweets. As we get older we lose some along the way kind of like natural wastage. We fall out and we fall in, we change and adapt and we end up with a core group of our best friends, usually quite small but reliable and close. I think it’s fair to say that most of us will never have more than a handful of extremely close friends as we grow older simply because it’s not possible to have very close relationships with so many people. Best friends require maintenance.
Where dating comes into its own is in its simplest form - introducing us to new people. We meet people on a one-to-one basis to chat and discuss and basically find out if we get on well enough to become friends. Dating often misses out on this aspect, the fact that to become lovers we should become friends too. It's not just about if we are attracted to their hair, face, breasts, legs etc. It's about how we get on, what we have in common, if we share the same belief systems, skills, laughs, humor, outlook, background and passions. If we do then this may well be the very basis for a great relationship.
If that certain X factor is missing, we often discount the whole date as if to say well they weren't good enough to date so I will discount them completely. What we are missing here is the fact that in every other way we got on. We made a new friend. Then people will say, yes but I am not looking for another friend. Well let me tell you my friend, we can all do with extra friends. Yes, okay, our closest friends are often our longest friends who we have shared everything with, but there may have been a time when we didn't know them either so who is to say. My point is that nice people are hard to find so let us not just discount people because they fell at the first hurdle.
I am not suggesting that we gather every failed date as out next new closest buddy. I am suggesting that amongst all the singles you do date, there will be one of two people who may not be your ideal match, but who could be your ideal friend. So try and keep an open mind. Maybe you can suggest that although you don't feel you would make it as a couple you would like to stay in touch and then actually do get in touch to do something. Make sure you have defined this as a fact and are clear though and don't string someone along and have them thinking there is some romance in the air.
We must try and remember that one of the best facets of any perfect match is friendship. People often say that they would like to marry their best friend. In other words, your partner should also be your best friend. What we mean but that is that the concept of "best friend" means the person we can rely on, trust in full measure, turn to when in need and talk to about everything in the world. It is a beautiful notion and one that should be kept in mind.
Really, dating is all about making friends and then loving them even more than that. It is about forming close bonds in a fairly short space of time and then building upon them. This is why a purely sex or physical relationship doesn't often hold much long terms hope. It is surprising how many good friends also become lovers too. I have read some good true stories about people who had been best friends and went on to get married.
I think these days that dating has become such a clinical and organized subject that the basic elements are in danger of being lost. To love someone you have to trust them. To trust them you need to open your heart to them very early on and take the risk included. Opening your heart means a willingness to trust. It is a willingness to make that person your friend. Trust and friendship are the building blocks of every proper relationship and therefore there are no quick paths to eternal happiness. Date and find a friend. Make friends and then fall in love.
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Dating is one of the best friend finders there is. I read recently some advice from an elder statesman who said that we should all try and make one new friend every five years. What excellent advice. When we are very young we collect friends like sweets. As we get older we lose some along the way kind of like natural wastage. We fall out and we fall in, we change and adapt and we end up with a core group of our best friends, usually quite small but reliable and close. I think it’s fair to say that most of us will never have more than a handful of extremely close friends as we grow older simply because it’s not possible to have very close relationships with so many people. Best friends require maintenance.
Where dating comes into its own is in its simplest form - introducing us to new people. We meet people on a one-to-one basis to chat and discuss and basically find out if we get on well enough to become friends. Dating often misses out on this aspect, the fact that to become lovers we should become friends too. It's not just about if we are attracted to their hair, face, breasts, legs etc. It's about how we get on, what we have in common, if we share the same belief systems, skills, laughs, humor, outlook, background and passions. If we do then this may well be the very basis for a great relationship.
If that certain X factor is missing, we often discount the whole date as if to say well they weren't good enough to date so I will discount them completely. What we are missing here is the fact that in every other way we got on. We made a new friend. Then people will say, yes but I am not looking for another friend. Well let me tell you my friend, we can all do with extra friends. Yes, okay, our closest friends are often our longest friends who we have shared everything with, but there may have been a time when we didn't know them either so who is to say. My point is that nice people are hard to find so let us not just discount people because they fell at the first hurdle.
I am not suggesting that we gather every failed date as out next new closest buddy. I am suggesting that amongst all the singles you do date, there will be one of two people who may not be your ideal match, but who could be your ideal friend. So try and keep an open mind. Maybe you can suggest that although you don't feel you would make it as a couple you would like to stay in touch and then actually do get in touch to do something. Make sure you have defined this as a fact and are clear though and don't string someone along and have them thinking there is some romance in the air.
We must try and remember that one of the best facets of any perfect match is friendship. People often say that they would like to marry their best friend. In other words, your partner should also be your best friend. What we mean but that is that the concept of "best friend" means the person we can rely on, trust in full measure, turn to when in need and talk to about everything in the world. It is a beautiful notion and one that should be kept in mind.
Really, dating is all about making friends and then loving them even more than that. It is about forming close bonds in a fairly short space of time and then building upon them. This is why a purely sex or physical relationship doesn't often hold much long terms hope. It is surprising how many good friends also become lovers too. I have read some good true stories about people who had been best friends and went on to get married.
I think these days that dating has become such a clinical and organized subject that the basic elements are in danger of being lost. To love someone you have to trust them. To trust them you need to open your heart to them very early on and take the risk included. Opening your heart means a willingness to trust. It is a willingness to make that person your friend. Trust and friendship are the building blocks of every proper relationship and therefore there are no quick paths to eternal happiness. Date and find a friend. Make friends and then fall in love.
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Wednesday, 23 January 2008
FIRST FOUR WEEKS
Gosh, it doesn't get more unstable than this. You feel sick, you can't eat, you don't know what you are thinking and feeling, but you are thinking excessively. You feel happy, you feel sad, you feel unsettled, you worry, you are ecstatic. You want to panic and wish you had said no. What's happening to you? You are in your first four weeks of dating someone.
The first thing that can happen with a date is that you feel trepidation before the event. You may have had lots of dates and expect little but are pleasantly surprised. You may have been building up to the date and its gone really well and you are surprised, pleasantly. You may actually feel unhappy and irritated that a first date went well because now you have to give some thought to the situation. Initially then you need to decide if you are going to take it further or whether last night's promises and optimism has changed in the cold light of day. For almost everyone, however good or bad you will feel some trepidation, even if you are walking on the moon.
For many, the days after a first date that went really well will make you feel great. You feel desired, attractive and you realize that someone really likes you who you are attracted to. But - until you have secured a second date you will still feel like you have got it all wrong and that you are mistaken. When that second date is finalized you will again feel great and this is a real test because this time you will be analyzing each other more thoroughly and testing each other in verbal interplay and emotional content in your conversation. Your reliability and your wit will be tested as well as many other extremely subtle facets of your character. At this stage you most certainly should not have had sex!
After the second date is where panic can set in. If you really like this person you will panic and worry that you can lose them before anything has even got going. On the other hand you may like them and panic that it could all be too much too soon and wish to run without finding out. So this is where disaster can begin to intervene on a perfect future. You can quickly come across as overbearing and possessive, even though you haven't got into a relationship yet. So stop calling and stop pondering and ensure you carry on as best you can with a routine. In other words, back off and be cool. Take your time and stop panicking. If you are going to go out, then you will but don't rush it.
If, on the other hand, you are simply not sure about looming intimacy then again take your time and be cool. The pleasure in the first few weeks of dating is in its turmoil and its passion but also in savoring every moment. In a long term relationship these are days hard to repeat so take in the atmosphere of knowing someone new and enjoy the encounters as they happen. A new relationship doesn't have to lead to marriage and commitment so stop thinking too much and simply enjoy your dates as they happen.
There will be many dilemmas in the first few weeks such as your first kiss, where you should go on dates, whether you should phone, what happens if they didn't call when expected, concern things are over already. The you will move on to whether you should invite them in for coffee, what happens if you want to go to bed with them or what happens as your emotions increase. Once again it is about trying to keep the basics in perspective. Your entire day-to-day life can be affected by beginning to like someone and fall in love so the only thing that gives you any structure is your regular daily pattern. Because of this it is crucial to keep as many things regular as possible. Try and sustain your daily regime, including clubs, hobbies and trips to the gym. However one of the beautiful aspects of this initial period is the breaking of that regime to find small intense emotional moments with your new friend.
People often ask me when a date becomes a relationship and I have answered that more fully in a different article but to my own mind the first 4 weeks are crucial in creating a basic foundation on which you can both develop into a relationships. You will have progressed from first date to hopefully the nth time. If you live close by you may have stopped counting by now. I can understand that circumstances may prevent regular dating for some, but I do think that if you are wanting a serious relationship to develop, proximity is helpful. In 4 weeks of dating you should have been dating plenty of times and be getting to know the beginnings of each other.
Where dating is very very slow then there is a danger it will never actually fire the main engines for lift off so I actively encourage people to make the most of the dating opportunities presented. You see, when you really like someone, you want to be with them, you want to spend all your time with them to get to know them and understand them and learn to fall in love with them. For this to happen you have to meet very regularly to build up that level of intimacy otherwise you may be wasting your time.
The first 4 weeks are critical as they are the testing time. If you get through this initial period you have a chance of building into a relationship. In my view it is too soon for sex if you are serious but too long for just a couple of meetings. It is the perfect time frame to know whether you are fairly compatible above and beyond the initial physical attraction. A month of dating is a month of happy events and phone calls and memories. If in that period things aren't working out, then you can walk away with no harm done.
You may feel sick and you may feel unsteady, but when we all look back and try and describe what being in love is like, most of us tend to remember the first four weeks when we met and use those feelings to describe how beautifully unsettling everything truly is.
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Gosh, it doesn't get more unstable than this. You feel sick, you can't eat, you don't know what you are thinking and feeling, but you are thinking excessively. You feel happy, you feel sad, you feel unsettled, you worry, you are ecstatic. You want to panic and wish you had said no. What's happening to you? You are in your first four weeks of dating someone.
The first thing that can happen with a date is that you feel trepidation before the event. You may have had lots of dates and expect little but are pleasantly surprised. You may have been building up to the date and its gone really well and you are surprised, pleasantly. You may actually feel unhappy and irritated that a first date went well because now you have to give some thought to the situation. Initially then you need to decide if you are going to take it further or whether last night's promises and optimism has changed in the cold light of day. For almost everyone, however good or bad you will feel some trepidation, even if you are walking on the moon.
For many, the days after a first date that went really well will make you feel great. You feel desired, attractive and you realize that someone really likes you who you are attracted to. But - until you have secured a second date you will still feel like you have got it all wrong and that you are mistaken. When that second date is finalized you will again feel great and this is a real test because this time you will be analyzing each other more thoroughly and testing each other in verbal interplay and emotional content in your conversation. Your reliability and your wit will be tested as well as many other extremely subtle facets of your character. At this stage you most certainly should not have had sex!
After the second date is where panic can set in. If you really like this person you will panic and worry that you can lose them before anything has even got going. On the other hand you may like them and panic that it could all be too much too soon and wish to run without finding out. So this is where disaster can begin to intervene on a perfect future. You can quickly come across as overbearing and possessive, even though you haven't got into a relationship yet. So stop calling and stop pondering and ensure you carry on as best you can with a routine. In other words, back off and be cool. Take your time and stop panicking. If you are going to go out, then you will but don't rush it.
If, on the other hand, you are simply not sure about looming intimacy then again take your time and be cool. The pleasure in the first few weeks of dating is in its turmoil and its passion but also in savoring every moment. In a long term relationship these are days hard to repeat so take in the atmosphere of knowing someone new and enjoy the encounters as they happen. A new relationship doesn't have to lead to marriage and commitment so stop thinking too much and simply enjoy your dates as they happen.
There will be many dilemmas in the first few weeks such as your first kiss, where you should go on dates, whether you should phone, what happens if they didn't call when expected, concern things are over already. The you will move on to whether you should invite them in for coffee, what happens if you want to go to bed with them or what happens as your emotions increase. Once again it is about trying to keep the basics in perspective. Your entire day-to-day life can be affected by beginning to like someone and fall in love so the only thing that gives you any structure is your regular daily pattern. Because of this it is crucial to keep as many things regular as possible. Try and sustain your daily regime, including clubs, hobbies and trips to the gym. However one of the beautiful aspects of this initial period is the breaking of that regime to find small intense emotional moments with your new friend.
People often ask me when a date becomes a relationship and I have answered that more fully in a different article but to my own mind the first 4 weeks are crucial in creating a basic foundation on which you can both develop into a relationships. You will have progressed from first date to hopefully the nth time. If you live close by you may have stopped counting by now. I can understand that circumstances may prevent regular dating for some, but I do think that if you are wanting a serious relationship to develop, proximity is helpful. In 4 weeks of dating you should have been dating plenty of times and be getting to know the beginnings of each other.
Where dating is very very slow then there is a danger it will never actually fire the main engines for lift off so I actively encourage people to make the most of the dating opportunities presented. You see, when you really like someone, you want to be with them, you want to spend all your time with them to get to know them and understand them and learn to fall in love with them. For this to happen you have to meet very regularly to build up that level of intimacy otherwise you may be wasting your time.
The first 4 weeks are critical as they are the testing time. If you get through this initial period you have a chance of building into a relationship. In my view it is too soon for sex if you are serious but too long for just a couple of meetings. It is the perfect time frame to know whether you are fairly compatible above and beyond the initial physical attraction. A month of dating is a month of happy events and phone calls and memories. If in that period things aren't working out, then you can walk away with no harm done.
You may feel sick and you may feel unsteady, but when we all look back and try and describe what being in love is like, most of us tend to remember the first four weeks when we met and use those feelings to describe how beautifully unsettling everything truly is.
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Tuesday, 22 January 2008
ONLINE DATING
Internet online dating takes patience and practice and it's not always for the faint hearted. Just because you are seated at your own computer doesn't mean that single people will come to chat with you for no reason. No even in this medium of Internet dating, you must take the initiative and actively seek to contact those you like whilst ignoring those you do not. Many tens of thousands of people worldwide enter Internet dating sites everyday of the year, some are serious, some are not. Some want marriage, some seek sex, others simply wish for companionship. When accessing online dating, it is your task not only to represent yourself in the best possible light but also to speak to those who are of interest and discourage those who are not.
When using internet dating services you must learn to take responsibility for your actions, reply to messages, send well constructed opening greetings to single people you are attracted to and get the most for your money. Yes money, because the professional dating sites are not free. That is not quite true, some Internet dating agency sites are free, but they tend not be of the same quality as a professional ecommerce Internet dating agency. No, an Internet dating agency charges for a reason. Firstly it discourages the fly-by-nights and those who seek only to surf and be curious. Secondly online dating sites are expensive to run proficiently and therefore a premium rate membership is charged to allow for premium services for communication such as onsite email, instant messaging, chat rooms, articles and assistance. In other words, you get what you pay for, and that means instant access and sophisticated means of contacting other singles.
Who are the most successful single people who date online? Well, it depends on your view of success. If you mean who are the most popular, the busiest, those with the fullest diaries, even those who go on the most dates, well that's easy. They are the people who are kind and polite to everyone, always chatting, have a good friends' list, they frequently use email and messaging, they access the chat rooms and call their voicemail to get to know single people. In other words they are busy and confident and willing to use all the dating means of communication at their disposal. If you are shy and inexperienced it doesn't matter because we are here to help you.
If you want to get the best from your dating services membership, try to present the right image, get single people to interact with you by chatting daily, and become popular online by being friendly.
These basics may help you on one of the best ways of meeting people there is: • Obvious one - complete your dating profile fully. No, not partially! Fully! And accurately! There is nothing worse for a browsing member using dating services than spending their quality time opening your dating profile only to find your dating profile is full of Ask Me statements. Okay, it's cool that you may wish to discuss everything one-to-one and disclose nothing in advance, but you have to attract someone in the first place! Our dating members want to read about you! Today! You can start being enigmatic later. So let's start by providing something to chat about --- you! Would you go into a bar with a bag over your head? Exactly. Well an incomplete dating profile is a very similar start. So ....Be informative, be complete, be thorough,be of interest.
• When creating your own Personals ads on a singles web site, add a photograph or two or even four! Single Members with photos are likely to get up to 9 times more replies than members without any photo image attached to their dating profile. Why? Because people like to know who they are dealing with, especially when viewing dating Personals, and especially when they have already displayed their photo to you. Single people feel confident with, and possible attraction to, someone who is willing to show their face. After all, it's nice to know what your future partner looks like, right?! Okay, I know we aren't all photogenic models, but believe me; any photo is far better than none at all. Browsing Dating Personals is much more fun when viewing photos too.• Now here is good dating advice. Add a nice photo. A photo of you. A smiling photo. A smiling photo up close. A recent smiling photo up close! Make sure your photos are recent (preferably less than 6 months old) and that you are happy. If they are not fairly recent then okay if you look the same. However if you have altered and you post old photos then you may be not only fooling others but also yourself. Sometimes single people think that using an old photo when Internet dating won't matter because in the end its personality that counts. That is true, but once again its not generally about looks, its about honesty.
• When using a singles web site, don't be aggressive or rude in your Internet dating profile. Take some good dating advice. It may be your sense of humour to be sarcastic or cutting, but it doesn't always come across best in anonymous text. Biting humour in the first instance will not usually attract the desired attention, even if it's meant to be amusing. That comes once you are chatting.
• You may have had a bad time with a previous partner, but making a list of specific criteria a future partner must meet usually has the effect of making people look elsewhere. Even if these available singles match! We all seek Mr. Right and Miss Right, but turning dating into a job interview for singles everywhere removes every ounce of romance and passion from the occasion. Lets have fun guys and not trade resumes! If you are searching for Mr Right, girls, then make sure you present yourself as their Miss Right. Mr. Right out there, are you listening...the same applies to you!
• If you wish to use swear words on a singles web site, then save them! The best dating advice I can give is - please don't use them here in your dating profile or conversations and emails. They are generally offensive and really do turn people off.• When Internet dating, make your dating profile truthful above all things, but emphasize your best characteristics. Admitting that you are a loner who has no friends will not win you new friends usually. But emphasizing that you are a true individual with unique genuine properties, will.
• Don't manufacture the truth as this is one of the worst things about the reputation of Internet daters and Internet dating. We pride ourselves on having very honest genuine members who are keen to date and find their perfect partner. The key thing about the truth is that it always reveals itself in the end. So, even though you may think that not being entirely accurate about perhaps a small detail isn't too important (status or age or height or weight for example), the fact is that once the truth is revealed, generally your potential Mr Right or Miss Right WILL run away. Small things shouldn't matter and often don't, but misleading someone does!
• If you really feel passionate about something say so, don't try and hide the things that are important to you. If you love partying say so, if your religion is important to you, say so. Don't suppress or hide things that are part of who you are. Stand tall and proud. Singles dating online, and people in general even, often make the error of trying to be what they think the other person wants them to be. Pretending is a fool's game and it won't work.
• Chat to as many single people as possible via online dating sites and dating services using every method we offer, but also try to be realistic about time and commitment.. We have provided you with some amazing methods to communicate with, so give them a go. Frequently. A few emails once a quarter will not probably bring you life long happiness, though there is a chance. Like all things in life - the more you put in using Internet dating services, the more successful you will be.
• Do not pretend that you are willing to fly half way round the world to meet someone you have been chatting to when using online dating sites if you are not really serious. It's not fair on anyone including you. It's easy to get carried away with a lovely person seven thousand miles away, but are you really going to get out of that chair and go and meet them? If you are, you have our utmost support and respect. If you are really only looking for some one in your county or close to home then stick with that and make it clear.
• If available, use secure voicemail services to hear what single men and single women sound like. The sound of a voice is a powerful and very real experience. Perhaps try leaving someone a message. It's a good way of introducing yourself. But do plan your message in advance. Mumbling and stuttering down the phone with an unplanned message will not present a confident opening impression.
• Do use the Internet dating chat rooms to gain confidence, as they are totally anonymous and full of single women and single men like you. You can chat as part of a group, and when you feel some desire and interest or you simply feel more confident, try chatting to a person privately or one-to-one. Afterwards, why not email and send a message to introduce yourself more fully. All perfect relationships have to begin somewhere.
• Make use of your very own Internet dating friends' list, its there for you to build yourself your own special community of single men and single women you like; people you get on with, and people you can build a trusting friendship. And maybe more.
• Always try and reply to people's messages and reply in a reasonable amount of time, not weeks later. If you are serious about dating, you are serious about replying. They have taken the time to talk or write to you and they may be really nice. You cannot always tell from a few sentences or a grainy photo. Then again, maybe you can! But you can't always tell a great deal from a photograph so try not to appear rude. You may not be the perfect match, but they could introduce you to someone who is!
• Be patient, it takes time to find someone special when using online dating sites and dating services, like anywhere else for that matter. Using an Internet dating agency requires practise and commitment like anything else worth doing. After all, it's just that one special person that you wish to meet. Sometimes you need to chat to quite a few single people first via a good Internet dating agency. Unfortunately, that’s the world we live in. Take your time to complete your Internet dating agency profile, take your time to chat with many different people using different kinds of dating services available, and take your time to get to know someone well. Socialize and chat frequently and soon enough we truly believe you will be pleasantly surprised.
• Think positive and keep thinking positive.
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Internet online dating takes patience and practice and it's not always for the faint hearted. Just because you are seated at your own computer doesn't mean that single people will come to chat with you for no reason. No even in this medium of Internet dating, you must take the initiative and actively seek to contact those you like whilst ignoring those you do not. Many tens of thousands of people worldwide enter Internet dating sites everyday of the year, some are serious, some are not. Some want marriage, some seek sex, others simply wish for companionship. When accessing online dating, it is your task not only to represent yourself in the best possible light but also to speak to those who are of interest and discourage those who are not.
When using internet dating services you must learn to take responsibility for your actions, reply to messages, send well constructed opening greetings to single people you are attracted to and get the most for your money. Yes money, because the professional dating sites are not free. That is not quite true, some Internet dating agency sites are free, but they tend not be of the same quality as a professional ecommerce Internet dating agency. No, an Internet dating agency charges for a reason. Firstly it discourages the fly-by-nights and those who seek only to surf and be curious. Secondly online dating sites are expensive to run proficiently and therefore a premium rate membership is charged to allow for premium services for communication such as onsite email, instant messaging, chat rooms, articles and assistance. In other words, you get what you pay for, and that means instant access and sophisticated means of contacting other singles.
Who are the most successful single people who date online? Well, it depends on your view of success. If you mean who are the most popular, the busiest, those with the fullest diaries, even those who go on the most dates, well that's easy. They are the people who are kind and polite to everyone, always chatting, have a good friends' list, they frequently use email and messaging, they access the chat rooms and call their voicemail to get to know single people. In other words they are busy and confident and willing to use all the dating means of communication at their disposal. If you are shy and inexperienced it doesn't matter because we are here to help you.
If you want to get the best from your dating services membership, try to present the right image, get single people to interact with you by chatting daily, and become popular online by being friendly.
These basics may help you on one of the best ways of meeting people there is: • Obvious one - complete your dating profile fully. No, not partially! Fully! And accurately! There is nothing worse for a browsing member using dating services than spending their quality time opening your dating profile only to find your dating profile is full of Ask Me statements. Okay, it's cool that you may wish to discuss everything one-to-one and disclose nothing in advance, but you have to attract someone in the first place! Our dating members want to read about you! Today! You can start being enigmatic later. So let's start by providing something to chat about --- you! Would you go into a bar with a bag over your head? Exactly. Well an incomplete dating profile is a very similar start. So ....Be informative, be complete, be thorough,be of interest.
• When creating your own Personals ads on a singles web site, add a photograph or two or even four! Single Members with photos are likely to get up to 9 times more replies than members without any photo image attached to their dating profile. Why? Because people like to know who they are dealing with, especially when viewing dating Personals, and especially when they have already displayed their photo to you. Single people feel confident with, and possible attraction to, someone who is willing to show their face. After all, it's nice to know what your future partner looks like, right?! Okay, I know we aren't all photogenic models, but believe me; any photo is far better than none at all. Browsing Dating Personals is much more fun when viewing photos too.• Now here is good dating advice. Add a nice photo. A photo of you. A smiling photo. A smiling photo up close. A recent smiling photo up close! Make sure your photos are recent (preferably less than 6 months old) and that you are happy. If they are not fairly recent then okay if you look the same. However if you have altered and you post old photos then you may be not only fooling others but also yourself. Sometimes single people think that using an old photo when Internet dating won't matter because in the end its personality that counts. That is true, but once again its not generally about looks, its about honesty.
• When using a singles web site, don't be aggressive or rude in your Internet dating profile. Take some good dating advice. It may be your sense of humour to be sarcastic or cutting, but it doesn't always come across best in anonymous text. Biting humour in the first instance will not usually attract the desired attention, even if it's meant to be amusing. That comes once you are chatting.
• You may have had a bad time with a previous partner, but making a list of specific criteria a future partner must meet usually has the effect of making people look elsewhere. Even if these available singles match! We all seek Mr. Right and Miss Right, but turning dating into a job interview for singles everywhere removes every ounce of romance and passion from the occasion. Lets have fun guys and not trade resumes! If you are searching for Mr Right, girls, then make sure you present yourself as their Miss Right. Mr. Right out there, are you listening...the same applies to you!
• If you wish to use swear words on a singles web site, then save them! The best dating advice I can give is - please don't use them here in your dating profile or conversations and emails. They are generally offensive and really do turn people off.• When Internet dating, make your dating profile truthful above all things, but emphasize your best characteristics. Admitting that you are a loner who has no friends will not win you new friends usually. But emphasizing that you are a true individual with unique genuine properties, will.
• Don't manufacture the truth as this is one of the worst things about the reputation of Internet daters and Internet dating. We pride ourselves on having very honest genuine members who are keen to date and find their perfect partner. The key thing about the truth is that it always reveals itself in the end. So, even though you may think that not being entirely accurate about perhaps a small detail isn't too important (status or age or height or weight for example), the fact is that once the truth is revealed, generally your potential Mr Right or Miss Right WILL run away. Small things shouldn't matter and often don't, but misleading someone does!
• If you really feel passionate about something say so, don't try and hide the things that are important to you. If you love partying say so, if your religion is important to you, say so. Don't suppress or hide things that are part of who you are. Stand tall and proud. Singles dating online, and people in general even, often make the error of trying to be what they think the other person wants them to be. Pretending is a fool's game and it won't work.
• Chat to as many single people as possible via online dating sites and dating services using every method we offer, but also try to be realistic about time and commitment.. We have provided you with some amazing methods to communicate with, so give them a go. Frequently. A few emails once a quarter will not probably bring you life long happiness, though there is a chance. Like all things in life - the more you put in using Internet dating services, the more successful you will be.
• Do not pretend that you are willing to fly half way round the world to meet someone you have been chatting to when using online dating sites if you are not really serious. It's not fair on anyone including you. It's easy to get carried away with a lovely person seven thousand miles away, but are you really going to get out of that chair and go and meet them? If you are, you have our utmost support and respect. If you are really only looking for some one in your county or close to home then stick with that and make it clear.
• If available, use secure voicemail services to hear what single men and single women sound like. The sound of a voice is a powerful and very real experience. Perhaps try leaving someone a message. It's a good way of introducing yourself. But do plan your message in advance. Mumbling and stuttering down the phone with an unplanned message will not present a confident opening impression.
• Do use the Internet dating chat rooms to gain confidence, as they are totally anonymous and full of single women and single men like you. You can chat as part of a group, and when you feel some desire and interest or you simply feel more confident, try chatting to a person privately or one-to-one. Afterwards, why not email and send a message to introduce yourself more fully. All perfect relationships have to begin somewhere.
• Make use of your very own Internet dating friends' list, its there for you to build yourself your own special community of single men and single women you like; people you get on with, and people you can build a trusting friendship. And maybe more.
• Always try and reply to people's messages and reply in a reasonable amount of time, not weeks later. If you are serious about dating, you are serious about replying. They have taken the time to talk or write to you and they may be really nice. You cannot always tell from a few sentences or a grainy photo. Then again, maybe you can! But you can't always tell a great deal from a photograph so try not to appear rude. You may not be the perfect match, but they could introduce you to someone who is!
• Be patient, it takes time to find someone special when using online dating sites and dating services, like anywhere else for that matter. Using an Internet dating agency requires practise and commitment like anything else worth doing. After all, it's just that one special person that you wish to meet. Sometimes you need to chat to quite a few single people first via a good Internet dating agency. Unfortunately, that’s the world we live in. Take your time to complete your Internet dating agency profile, take your time to chat with many different people using different kinds of dating services available, and take your time to get to know someone well. Socialize and chat frequently and soon enough we truly believe you will be pleasantly surprised.
• Think positive and keep thinking positive.
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